Friday, August 24, 2012

Judgment Control

It is very obvious by now...I am a Christian. And as a Christian I know that I am not to judge. God is our only judge and it is not my place to say what you should be doing, or anything like that. It is my job to love you, and if you are open to it, teach you (still through love). Well I am having a hard time on this subject lately. And it is affecting my life hardcore.

I am so passionate about the topics of breastfeeding, circumcision, elective c-sections, etc. When I hear about people going against "my" views on this, I literally get angry. I throw a fit. Get all worked up.

Then I have to step back (normally at Charlies encouragement) and realize its not my life, its not my body, its not my baby. And just because I think that its the best option (and have medical reasons to back me up) it still isn't really any of my business. People will do what they will do and bombarding them with guilt, or scary facts is not loving them.

So I confess and I am walking away. As best as I can that is. If I know you, and you are pregnant, and I seem a bit distant on this subject and you think that is a little weird, its because I just can't put my heart in it anymore. I will most likely ask once, and depending on your answer that will be the end. But if I see facebook posts that don't agree with my opinion, I am just going to stop looking, not get my heart broken.

I promise you though, I have the best of intentions. I love your babies, and I want them to have the best healthiest life possible. Sorry if it comes out condescending or rude.


Anonymous said...

Making comments such as "and have medical decisions to back me up" are filled with pride. If you're going to fully let go and say you're not going to pass judgement, you can't, in the same statement, make an "...but I'm still right" type of accusation. The truth is, it is a parents choice, amny babies live fully normal lifes without being breastfed or having gone through C-Sections, and you can't allow the horror stories of the exceptions that you have read on the internet (because let's be honest, there is rarely any "unbiased" information given ont he internet) fill your heart with pride because you suddenly feel as if you know more and are more educated than others on the subject. All this is doing is causing you distress, and hurting or frustrating those that disagree. Above all, remember that every life is in the hands of God, and that God still cares for and watches over those children who haven't had the care that you believe they should have.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with comment #1. This is a very large world with many different cultures and beliefs. And that is how God created it. We can feel very passionate about our beliefs but have to remember to respect each others beliefs and differences and not try to force our beliefs on to others. People have very strong opions regarding politics, religion, healthcare, and child rearing. For example, I am not defined by my religion, ie Catholic, Reformed, Baptist. I am a Christian therefore I love and respect everyone including there differences weather it be religion or political, etc. As long as that person shows love and respect to humanity and does not cause harm. I bring this view to child rearing also. If the child is loved and cared for then who am I to say that my views on child rearing are the best and only way. They are are the best for me and my family and I have to respect that the same may be for others.

Kari Hache said...

I wrote a long drawn out response and then when I hit send, God deleted it for me. So I have been thinking and praying about a response before sending one.

First of all, let me begin by saying that it is so difficult for me to not get into this conversation deeper, for me to defend my point of view and give you all the reasons I believe what I believe. But thats the exact thing I just said I didn't want to do. I know what I believe, and if you want to know, you may ask and we can discuss it privately. But only if you ask and you want my opinion. Other than that, I stand my by original post. I choose to love not judge.

I apologize that my post came across as if I was being prideful or judgmental. That, again, was not my desire. My desire was just to state that these topics affect my life (including my parenting and marriage). So I am not going to let them anymore. I am going to let you (whoever you are) make the parenting decisions that you are going to make. And I am going to sit here and love you no matter what those decisions are. I will pray for you to make the most informed decision and the decision that is best for your baby, and hope that you make that as unselfishly as possible.

Anonymous said...

The quote, "I am going to let you make the parenting decisions that you are going to make. And I'm going to sit here and love you no matter what those decisions are" gives me the feeling that you still believe that you are in the right and the other person is wrong but you're just not going to say anything. You are still be judgemental. To not be judgemental, one needs to accept that just because others may make different choices than you, that does not make them wrong choices... just different. One must not be judgemental in their heart as well.

Kari Hache said...

I disagree. I do still believe i am right, and thats my opinion. I am allowed to think I am right. Just like I think I am right that drugs are bad, homosexuality is a sin, that my religion is the only right one, etc. But I can still love people who disagree with me. By not judging them, I am saying that it doesn't matter that we differ in opinions, I am not going to look down on you as a parent or a person. I have friends who do not believe the same religiously as me, who are gay, who circumsize their babies, and who formula feed their children. And when it comes to our differing opinions I state my opinion (if asked or if the situation arises) but I am not going to preach to you, harp on you, or make you feel like a bad person. I am just going to tell you my opinion and what works for me, or the facts as I see it.

If however we are discussing circumscion and I say that we did not circumsize my son, and you ask why. I am going to tell you the laundry list of reasons we felt it was wrong. If I tell you we dont circumsize and you just say "we do, and we are just different that way" I will just leave it.

I completely believe there is a huge difference between judging and containing my own opinion.