Day 30 -- Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself.

Dear Kari,
You did it, 30 day challenge is over (and took 45 days to complete, lol)! While it has been fun blogging each day and having a set topic to blog about, I am excited to get back to writing my own topics again. I would say that some of my favorite blogs were the ones I did that opened my life up a little bit more, and brought God out a lot more. My reflection from that is that I think I am going to continue to keep God in my blog a little more. On the other hand, it was also fun to just do little blogs with just a fun topic. I believe I will do a little of both now.

I am glad to have the guilt gone. The guilt of forcing myself to blog, and if I didn't feeling super guilty. (Knowing me, I am going to start blogging more now that I don't have to). This was a great opportunity and I truly enjoyed the experience. I am happy that it did increase the readers, and hopefully I can keep getting more readers by my more personal and passionate posts.

The biggest thing I would like to make sure I keep in mind though is, this is only a blog. My readers are virtual. My son and husband however are not. I don't want to put anything, especially the computer, ahead of them. So I will continue to blog, and I will continue to give you quality posts, but I will not let it become more important than my men.

Love, Kari

Day 29 -- Top 5 Favorite Bible Verses

1. I love this verse for many reasons. One, because I have been here. I have wanted to do good, but kept doing bad. It was an internal battle that I was fighting and continually losing. I also love this verse, however, because of the wording. It's so confusing to read until you slow down and read it. I love Paul and how direct he is with his wording too.

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.   For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  Romans 7:15-20

 2. This verse gives me so much comfort. When you are tired, weary, or weak, turn to God. He will give you strength you never knew you could have. He will help you through the darkest and hardest times, as long as you focus on Him.

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

3. This is a prayer I pray regularly. We read through Proverbs once a month, and each month when I get to this prayer, I renew it in my mind. I know that I am the type of person that if I have to much, I will not need to rely on God therefore He will not be number one in my life. However if I have to little, I may do things that are also against God. I thank God for giving me "just enough"

⁷ “Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

 4. This verse has helped me through some of my darkest times. I knew that no matter what I was going through, if I was called "according to His purpose" then it would ultimately be good.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

 5. Last but not least. This verse is a feel good verse for me. Three simple statements that say it all. "The Lord is good" "a refuge in times of trouble" and "he cares for those who trust in Him" Its just so good.

⁷ The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him

Nahum 1:7

There you have it, 5 amazing verses in the bible. Its hard for me to say that they are my "favorite" but these verses have definitely helped me in one time or another in my life. I tried to choose ones that were not so mainstream as a way to help broaden the bible verses my readers get to see. My prayer now is that one of these verses touch your heart.

Day 27 -- Describe a truly spiritual moment in your life.

After such a dark time in my life, I looked in the mirror and was mortified. I knew I needed to change, but I was so far off course, I didn't know where to start. So I started the only place I knew how to...in the bible.

Beginning around May 2009, I took this time and read my bible, I read bible studies, and I read a book called "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. This book changed my life. (If you are in a dark time, and don't know how to get back on track, this is the book for you, I can not say enough good things about this book). Slowly I began to change (and by slowly I mean months, possibly years), slowly my thinking started to align with God's thinking.

On January 1, 2010 I opened my bible and read 4 chapters in the book of John. Then on January 2, I read the next 4 chapters, and January 3rd, and 4th, etc. Before I knew it, it was February and I had read every single day in January, then March, then April. I promise you that reading my bible daily transformed my life. It made me on a daily basis think "Have I read my bible?" which made me think of God daily. During the year of 2010 I grew in my relationship with God, which was helping my marriage quite a bit.

Everything changed however in October 2010. My (then) husband left for a school in Virginia, and this time, instead of me, Satan grabbed him. February 2011, my marriage had officially dissolved. And this shook my faith momentarily. I had promised God that I would hang on tight to His word. His promise to me. And from February - July 2011 God and Satan had a tug of war with my soul. I had grown so much in my faith in the past two years that I knew what was right and wrong. But Satan wasn't going to let me go without a fight. He put all the same temptations in my path as was there before. He knew my weaknesses better than me, and he exploited them. Thankfully though I was still close enough to God and His word that I was unable to stray to the degree that I had before.

I praise God for the year of 2010. It was one of the hardest year's ever. It had many many downs but God used this time to prepare me for what was to come. He brought me close enough to Him that I couldn't live without His presence. He never left my side. He gave me a desire for His word so I could hide it in my heart and never be without it.

When I started to stray, he placed the right people in my path to gently remind me of His love. When I looked to men for comfort and love instead of God, he put Charlie right there to catch me. It could have been so many other people that could have hurt me, but instead it was a man that wanted to love God as much I want to, a man who would love me deeply, tenderly and wholely. I praise God for orchstrating my life without me seeing it at the time.

 Since August 2011 Charlie and I have taken the time to read the bible everyday as a family (btw we were married on July 21, 2011 and only have missed 1 or 2 days of our entire marriage). We both see (from our previous failures) that God being in the center of our lives is how we keep this marriage pure. It is so important to us we do not allow even a day of failure. Satan loves failure, and if we open that door for one day of missing reading the bible...then we will allow two days, and then where does it end.

Read your bible. It is a life changing task and it only takes a 10 minutes a day. I began by reading four chapters a day. And now a little more, but no more than 15-20 minutes a day. I spend longer than that on Facebook, or writing/reading blogs. It will be worth it, I promise you.

Day 24 -- Things that make you scared.

My biggest phobia is being decapitated by a log truck. I swear driving behind one gives me such anxiety. I will do some stupid passing maneuvers to stay away from one. I know what you are thinking..."thats because of the movie 'Final Destination'". There is no doubt that watching that movie freaked me out, I oddly had this fear way before seeing that movie. That movie just made my fear come to life right before my eyes. There is a joke with some of my friends now though, that if God gave me any way to die, how would I want it to be. And that answer is, decapitated by a log truck. That way, all of you who think its impossible, and a joke would then know, and at my funeral you would all say, "how did she know?" LOL

 Now for something a tad bit more serious. I have lost my mom and my dad. I would say that I am terrified to lose someone closer to me. If I ever lost Charlie, Ethan, my sister, or any of the other people very close to me, I do not know how I could keep myself together. I was eight when my dad died. I needed to stay strong (due to my pregnancy) when my mom died. I thank God for the strength, but I don't want to experience anymore hurt.

What about you? Any silly phobias? I have a friend scared of cotton balls (freaks out, its weird), another one afraid of ostriches, and I would love to hear some of your silly phobias.

Day 21 -- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

My little man and me, 5 months old.
June 21, 2011

12 weeks pregnant with my little man
June 26, 2011

How have I changed in the last year? It has been a year full of change. I got married, I became a mama, and if that wasn't enough, I got baptized, grew in my relationship with Christ. Its been a great year. And probably the most eventful ever. Never in my life have I been so happy, and I would not change a single thing. If all the hurt I had to go through in the past brought me to my life now....it was well worth it. I love you Ethan and Charlie

Day 20 -- A dream of mine

A far fetched dream I have is to someday open a business of my own.  I vary on what I want to own, sometimes I want to do a hotel/inn, or a restuarant, a store that promotes natural living, I have even played around with the idea of getting a midwifery licence to open a birth center. I change my mind often, but I like to be in charge (who would have thought....lol) and running a place intrigues me.  A new cloth diapering store just opened up in Killeen, and that made me think of this again. We will see....maybe one day I will choose something and go for it.

A restaurant?

A Bed and Breakfast?

Supporting natural living?

Helping pregnant women

For now though, I am completely satisfied with being a wife and a mama, and that is probably why I cannot pin down a thought of just one idea.

Day 19 -- Switcharoo

If I could do a "Freaky Friday" with anyone, who would it be? I think I would want to trade places with someone who had much less than me, someone in a third world country or just really poor. Why? Thats easy. It would help me be more thankful for what I do have, and realize that "things" are just that. I have so many luxuries and yet I still find things to complain about. I have enough money to have clothes that are in good condition, good meals to eat, two working vehicles, a roof over my head, I have no needs. When I look at my life and hear myself complain, I get so embarassed.

We are jeans and t-shirt kind of people.

We stress over bills

We are wasteful

We live comfortably

God has given me so much. I have such a blessed life and yet I find myself complaining. What is wrong with me? People have so much more than me, sure, but people also have so much less than me.

Day 17 -- Short term goals for this month

During the month of June I have two different 30 day challenges going on. One, is obviously, to blog everyday, and the other is to eat vegetarian, more specifically not to purchase meat with our grocery trip.

As we are trying to be more mindful with our money, we have made a few changes to try to save (use the AC as little as possible, hang laundry outside to dry, and not to purchase meat to name a few). The point of this goal was to save money on the grocery bill (which it did, it brought our $300 monthly bill down to $240), we have on the other hand seen other benefits. We don't eat out nearly as much, which obviously saves money also. Because of those two changes, I have noticed a drop of about 5 pounds.
Charlie is a "meat and potato" kind of guy, so we really weren't sure how we would like this experiment. Well I am pleased to say that after nearly 3 weeks of preparing meals with no meat, there has been only one meal that he hasn't liked. And we are intaking so much more vegetables and learning vegetables that we didn't even know we liked.
Another goal I have is to make it to the pool a few times a week with Ethan. The point with this is to help Ethan become acclamated with the Texas weather, learn to love the water, and get a small workout in (not to mention getting me out in the Texas weather a little this summer). Our only issue with this is that having Ethan around the chlorine so often isn't very good for him, however the lakes are gross and all of them cost money, so we are in a catch-22.

Finally, one last short term goal I have is to not waste money. Charlie and I both have a bad habit of wasting money, whether it is on eating out, or wasteful spending on things not needed. In the last month, we have gotten very good about not wasting as much and being better at watching our spending. The goal is to continue on the better habits that we have begun.

Are there any short term goals that you are planning throughout the summer?

Day 15 -- Favorite Super Hero

To start this out, I am not a superhero kind of girl. Up until the last few months I had never seen Thor, Iron Man, Hulk, or Captain America. Due to the release of "The Avengers" my husband was shocked I had never seen them, and asked me to watch them with him. I will admit, they were not bad, just not a movie I would pick out myself. So when I started thinking about this blog and what superhero to choose, I was completely unsure. However, I wanted to give this blog a real answer and not just skate through it with no effort given. So I went and did a Internet searched and pulled up the Wikipedia page on "Superhero's" and I even went to a website called "Superhero Database" and read up on some superheroes (and superheroines). Needless to say, I was in nerd heaven, and was lost.

I read the bio's on a few superheros I knew of, Superman, Batman, Captain America, Hancock and some I never heard of, Ariel and Zatanna. I read the comments on each of them. People are arguing about who is stronger Superman or Hancock, Batman or Captain America. People get as passionate on their superheros as I do on Labor/C-section and Breastfeeding. It was fun to be brought into a different world for a few hours. A world that is so out of my realm, but I still can relate to.

That brings us to my answer. Who is my favorite super hero and why? After reading up on a few of them, I have decided to choose......Batman.

I chose Batman because according to the Superhero database, although Batman has no super power he is one of the best super heros on pure intelligence alone. Batman can beat his opponents by wit. And if that doesn't work, he can always fall back on the insane amount of Martial Arts he knows. According to his back story, Bruce Wayne became Batman after watching his mother and father be murdered. He swore that he would protect Gotham City. I can relate to this, I watched drugs kill my mother and father, and I also swore never to touch them. Batman always seems so calm and collective, and that deep voice is so intimidating.

Obviously my research on Superheros is no where near exhaustive enough to claim to be an expert, nor to say that had I learned about others I may had a different answer, but as of now, learning what I have learned about Batman, I choose him.

Who is your favorite superhero? It was a fun topic, lets continue the discussion.

Also, I am having a little contest over at my facebook page, if I receive 100 "likes" before my 30 day challenge is up, then one lucky winner will receive a handmade hemp bracelet and necklace. We are already at 54 and today is the halfway point. If you have not already "liked" my page, please do so now.

Day 14 -- A habit you wish you didnt have

Two things come to mind when I read today's topic. First I wish I wasn't so chained to the computer. And secondly, I wish I didn't care so much what others thought of me. Considering the second one is not really a habit, I have decided to talk about my dependency on the computer.

The computer, specifically facebook, has become such a crutch in my life. I think regularly about shutting down my facebook account. What stops me is the support groups I have there, and my family is in Michigan, and we keep in touch through facebook, especially now with Ethan. I truly do not know if these reasons are legitimate or just a reason to keep myself online.

You see, I don't have a ton of friends in Killeen right now, and the few close friends I do have are getting close to leaving (they will all be gone by November), so my friends in the computer make me feel less alone. If I am feeling any such way, I have someone to talk to. I am apart of La Leche League support groups (breastfeeding), weight loss/healthy living support groups, I have family members, I have high school acquaintances, not to mention my newest group of friends that live apart of my blogging world.

I think that the Internet has become a way to hide in my comfort zone, yet not feel alone or depressed (although writing this blog has suddenly made me feel that I am depressed, lol). On the plus side though, Without Wednesday's bring me one step closer to life outside the interwebs. And each week I spend the day offline, I love it more and more. Who knows, maybe one day, I will be web-free.

So, what is the habit you wish you could kick? I would love to hear.

Day 13 -- My wish for the future

My wish for the future has always been the same. When I die, I want everyone to think/say that.....

 I loved Jesus

that I was a great wife

the best mom possible

My desire is to do all of those things so well, that there is no doubt in anyones mind that those three things are the most important things to me. These are the things that matter....not the money in the bank account, not the job I have, not how clean my house is.

 I want to leave a legacy. I want for generations my children, and their children, and their children to say how great Grandma Kari was. I want for my grandchildren to know that Grandma Kari was always happy, always loving, always spoiling but still strict. That Grandma Kari loved Jesus more than anyone they knew, followed Him to the best of her ability. And not to mention that no ever doubt the love Grandma Kari always had for Grandpa Charlie.

With all the death I have experienced in my life there is lots of talk about "how" certain people lived their life.

I am told all the time that there was no doubt, my dad loved us kids more than anything.
My mom was only strict because she wanted us to grow to be responsible adults.
Grandma loved Jesus and just wanted to go home to him.

However, a long with those great things, I am overwhelmed by the negative that took over their lives (or death).

My dad is more well known for his suicide than for his love for his children.
My mom is currently more well known for the drugs that overtook her life than for the good she did for us.
My great grandmas death created a wedge in our family that is still there years after her death.

My prayer is that more positive things are remembered about me than negative. I don't want to be remembered for my past, the infedelities, lies, divorce. I want to be remembered for the future, my love, my commitment, my parenting.

What type of legacy do you want to leave behind? If you were to die today, what would you be remembered for? Think on that for a little bit today?

Day 12 -- My favorite place

In my husband's arms

 and

playing on the floor making my little guy laugh

I tried to think of literal places to do this blog for but I just could not think of any place I loved more than these two places. What can I say, I am a simple gal.

What about you? Where is your favorite place?

Day 9 -- Mood = Song

When I miss my mom, and feeling sad this song always helps me. Who am I to question the creator of the universe? I shall always praise Him in the storm.

When I am feeling happy or want to be. I promise that singing this song to my little Ethan always makes both of us smile. No way to be sad or grumpy then.

Going on a road trip.

orrrrrr

Lovey Dovey song

Reminds me of High School

or

How about you? What song sparks certain emotions or sets a mood? Trip down memory lane? I'd love to hear.

Well this has been fun, and maybe one day I will add to this, but for now, its time to finish the movie I am watching with my man. Peace Out.

Day 7 -- My hobbies

My current most important and enjoyable hobby, is playing with my son. I never would have guessed that making a fool out of myself, just so my 4 month old will laugh could bring me so much joy. But it does, being his mama is the best hobby/job I have.

However, when Ethan naps, and especially on our "Without Wednesdays" I like to read, I want to get back into make my hemp jewelry, and obviously, I like to blog.

My reading is not anywhere nearly as often as it has been during some stages of my life. I truly love a good book, I just get to trapped in the internet to pick it up. I enjoy a good romance book, but not anything higher than a PG-13 in book form. I used to love mystery novels, but I haven't read a good mystery novel in a very long time (have any suggestions?). But lately most of my books that I am reading are Christian fiction. Either Christian Romance, or Christian Mystery. A good author can write a novel, with christian undertones, or blantly christian, and you not feel like its a bad story or that religion is being shoved down your throat. See Ted Dekker, and Francince Rivers for example.

A couple years ago my aunt brought me to a music festival called "Wheatland" and they had little workshops there where they taught you how to make/do things. I went to the one that taught about hemp jewelry and fell in love. For the next year I made tons of necklaces or bracelets for my family and friends. But then I just kinda, stopped...I recently bought the stuff to get back into it, and I did make one bracelet for Charlie, but I just haven't really committed yet.

I don't know what has gotten me so into blogging lately. But I am enjoying it. I don't have a very high volume of readers that follow (I hope that changes) but I still enjoy it. As long as blogging doesn't start to take away from my responsiblities as a mommy or a wife, then I am keeping on.

I am always interested in trying new things and expanding my horizons, do you have any hobbies that may be interesting?

Day 6 -- Quote of the day

I decided to just put out a bunch of quotes and enjoyable things to read. Hope you enjoy.