Community

Today at church our pastor gave a sermon on community. He talked about how the people in your life can make or break who you are. He used the bible verse Proverbs 13:20 as a reference which says:

Walk with the wise and become wise,
for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Well as great as that verse is, the footnotes in my bible made it mean so much more. They said:

"The old saying "A rotten apple spoiles the barrel" is often applied to friendships, and with good reason. Our friends and associates affect us, sometimes profoundly. Be careful whom you choose as your closest friends. Spend time with people you want to be like -- because you and your friends will surely grow to resemble eachother"

 

This really hit me hard. You see I have a couple close friends here in Texas, and they are all about to leave (the joys of living near a military base). In preparation for this change, I have been trying to put myself out there so I can make new friends. I have been very specific at where I look for these friends. I joined a La Leche League (LLL) Facebook Group for a local group, and went to one of their meetings. I met a very nice woman through them that I am very much enjoying getting to know. I have also been in contact with a Cloth Diapering group that meets once a month for play group, but haven't been able to meet with them yet. But other than that its been church related places. Small Groups or our church Facebook page, play groups, etc.

 

It is very important to me that the friends I bring into my life are good Christian women. For the exact reason stated in that quote "Spend time with people you want to be like....[you] will surely grow to resemble eachother."

 

I have spent so much time over the past 3 years becoming a person that I can be fairly proud of, and I do not want to throw that away now by choosing the wrong company. I know how much people can affect your thinking and decisions. As a mother, wife and especially a Christian, I have to stand up for what I believe in. And I need others who will help.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I definitely do not think that means that I can only hang out with or be friends with "perfect" Christian people. Jesus himself hung out with the worst of sinners. I just think that my closest friends, the people I count on, the people I turn to in times of need, know the Lord. And in the meantime, I reach out to those who may not know the Lord, or who may need love and I show it to them. Having a good backing of friends and spiritual strength will certainly help that.

Infant Baptism. To do or not to do?

My first free writing blog in a while, and I chose a touchy subject. But I like it. My husband was raised Catholic, therefore he was baptized as an infant. The Catholic Church baptizes infants because they believe that it is a "remission of sin, both original sin and actual sin–only original sin in the case of infants and young children, since they are incapable of actual sin"(http://www.catholic.com/tracts/infant-baptism). They believe that because the Bible never specifically talks against infant baptism and talks on several occasions that "entire families" were baptized, that this is to include infant and children. They want to assure that the infants in their families will be accepted into heaven if, heaven forbid, they were to die before they choose to baptize themselves. Because of this thinking Catholics baptize their children as infants.

I have never seen an infant baptism be
done this way, but its so cute.

I was not raised in the church, and was not baptized as an infant. My mother and father never attended church so I doubt the thought had ever crossed their mind.

When Charlie and I were pregnant and discussing baptism, I told him that I did not agree with infant baptism, and would like to wait until Ethan decides to accept Jesus as his Savior on his own to allow him to be baptized. I believe that children are without sin and that until the age of reason (which is believed by some to be around seven, but I don't believe to put an age on it. God will judge this) if they were to die that God will accept them into heaven freely.

One thing I just can not wrap my mind around is the thought that if you are baptized as an infant you are automatically making it into heaven. The bible is very clear that you still have to make the decision and give your life over to Christ. And I believe that the baptism is "an outward expression of an inward decision." So, this is why I believe that until you make the inward decision, there is no point to make the outward expression. We have a loving God and a merciful God, and I see no proof in the bible that if your baby is not baptized and dies before "the age of reason/accountability" that He will send that baby to Hell forever. It just doesn't fit to me.

a little over the top, but still funny

When I first brought this idea up to my husband, he was a little unsure. Still having the Catholic raising in the back of his head he questioned me, the process and did a lot of research. In the end, he and I decided we would "dedicate" Ethan at our Church. I believe this is as close to infant baptism as I would do. This means that we stood up in front of our church and we said to them, "we promise to be the best Christian parents we can be, we will raise him in a Christian home and we look to you (the congregation) for guidance and assistance." We did this on his 3 week birthday.

I know that their are alot of different belief's on this topic, and I would be interested to hear your thoughts. Do you believe in infant baptism, why or why not?

6 Months down -- a relook at resolutions

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.
Check. I have the most amazing 6 month old little guy and I am trying my best. Sometimes I "take over" and I am really trying to get better. But I am doing the best I currently can.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.
Check? I think I am doing this. Ask Charlie for clarification. I try daily. I fail. I never claim to be perfect, but I am trying.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.
Mostly fail on this one. Where I have lost 40 of the 80 lbs I put on during pregnancy I have not changed my eating habits very much. We eat out way more than "never". Physical fitness is daily on my to do list yet rarely completed.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.
Ask Charlie. I strive to continually get better and I do regularly check in with him to make sure there is no way I am failing. He is constantly telling me that he is happy, so who knows, maybe he is. :)

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.
This one seems to be falling to the wayside. It is still a desire of ours, but it doesn't seem to be something that will be done this year...We will see what/where God wants to be. And we are happy to follow Him and wait as long as need be to be back in Michigan.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.
Well what can I say to this. Our debt is not getting any worse. We did pay off two of our "Same as cash" things on one of our cards before interest was accured. And we have a plan to get things under control. But with my current work situation we are bringing in way less than we would like, but both believe time with Ethan is much more important than more money.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.
Yea....major fail. I have read a total of 4 books this year. Not good, and no excuse why.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.
Win, we have read it everyday....except one last week. Somehow our routine got messed up and we just lost it. However I believe that one day we miss in nearly a year is still a win.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.
Fail. Dishes don't get done as often as needed. Books are not being read. Working out not being done. Ethan getting pushed aside. Facebook and blogging however, are being done. :(

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.
Well....Charlie is doing great about this, so I recently looked at my life and asked why I wasn't doing as good. I realized it is because I don't have people in my life that are no Christians. However, the people that I do meet that I do not know if they are Christians, I make sure they know that I am as well....Sure thats like one in 6 months, but hey.

Well there you have it. Some wins, some fails. Now I need to recommit to do better. Here goes.

Day 16 -- Picture of Someone Who has the Biggest Impact on Your Life

When I truly found Jesus and made a turn to live my life for him, it changed me radically. Before, I was an adulterer, liar, thief, and so much more. But when I made a choice to follow Jesus, he saved me. He turned me from all those things I used to be and into his beautiful child. The sin has been taken away and "as far as the east is from the west" is how far he took it. I thank Jesus everyday that he did not force me to love him, and that he patiently waited for me to come to him. Because of it being my willful choice, and knowing the price he paid for my salvation, it means so much more to me.

Day 13 -- My wish for the future

My wish for the future has always been the same. When I die, I want everyone to think/say that.....

 I loved Jesus

that I was a great wife

the best mom possible

My desire is to do all of those things so well, that there is no doubt in anyones mind that those three things are the most important things to me. These are the things that matter....not the money in the bank account, not the job I have, not how clean my house is.

 I want to leave a legacy. I want for generations my children, and their children, and their children to say how great Grandma Kari was. I want for my grandchildren to know that Grandma Kari was always happy, always loving, always spoiling but still strict. That Grandma Kari loved Jesus more than anyone they knew, followed Him to the best of her ability. And not to mention that no ever doubt the love Grandma Kari always had for Grandpa Charlie.

With all the death I have experienced in my life there is lots of talk about "how" certain people lived their life.

I am told all the time that there was no doubt, my dad loved us kids more than anything.
My mom was only strict because she wanted us to grow to be responsible adults.
Grandma loved Jesus and just wanted to go home to him.

However, a long with those great things, I am overwhelmed by the negative that took over their lives (or death).

My dad is more well known for his suicide than for his love for his children.
My mom is currently more well known for the drugs that overtook her life than for the good she did for us.
My great grandmas death created a wedge in our family that is still there years after her death.

My prayer is that more positive things are remembered about me than negative. I don't want to be remembered for my past, the infedelities, lies, divorce. I want to be remembered for the future, my love, my commitment, my parenting.

What type of legacy do you want to leave behind? If you were to die today, what would you be remembered for? Think on that for a little bit today?

Day 2 -- My favorite song

This question has always been impossible for me to answer, I like music and certain songs just fit my life most of the time, but I can never narrow it down to one "favorite" song. Currently whenever this song comes on, I turn the music way up and sing it, so I will go with Jamie Grace's "Hold Me".

INTRO:

[Toby Mac:]

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me) x 3

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you, the way you)

VERSE 1:

I’ve had a long day I just wanna relax

Don’t have time for my friends, no time to chit-chat

Problems at my job, i'm wonderin’ what to do

I know I should be working but I’m thinking of You and

Just when I feel this crazy world is gonna bring me down

That’s when Your smile comes around

CHORUS:

Oh, I love the way You hold me, by my side You’ll always be

You take each and every day, make it special in some way

I love the way you hold me, in Your arms I’ll always be

You take each and every day, make it special in some way

I love You more than the words in my brain can express

I can’t imagine even loving You less

Lord, I love the way You hold me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh whoa, I love the way You hold me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh

[Toby Mac:]

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me) x 3

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you)

VERSE 2:

Well You took my day and You flipped it around

Calmed the tidal wave and put my feet on the ground

Forever in my heart, always on my mind

It’s crazy how I think about You all of the time

And just when I think I’m ’bout to figure You out (figure You out)

You make me wanna sing and shout

(CHORUS)

BRIDGE:

I’m so grateful and thankful for all You’ve done

Wish I could tell You in a short story or poem

But, all I have is my voice and this guitar

And You have my heart

CHORUS 2:

Oh, I love the way You hold me, by my side You’ll always be

You take each and every day, make it special in some way

I love the way you hold me, in Your arms I’ll always be

You take each and every day, every day, every day

Oh, I love the way You hold me, by my side You’ll always be

You make each and every day, oh-so-special!

I love the way you hold me, in Your arms I’ll always be

You take each and every day, make it special in some way

I love You more than the words in my brain can express

I can’t imagine even loving You less

Lord, I love the way You hold me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh whoa, I love the way You hold me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh I love

[Toby Mac:]

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me) x 3

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you, the way you)

OUTRE:

[Toby Mac:]

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me) x 2

(I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me, hold me, hold me)

Day 1 -- 15 facts about me

1. Thankful for my heavenly Father and Chuck, because without them, I would be an orphan by more than just official definition.

2. I used to live by the philosophy "I will try anything once" but that didn't work out so well, now I live by, "I will do anything to glorify God".  

3. There are days I talk to my sister on the phone for hours (literally), and when asked what we talked about, I would have no answer.

4. I read my bible everyday. I began this habit in 2010, and had some breaks in 2011 (that was a rough year for me) but have no missed a day since last August. It is amazing how much you learn and grow when you are determined to read God's word daily.

5. My mom always cooked "with a pinch of this" or "a splash of that", never having measurements. I can say that I have become that type of a cook too. My chili recipe (and others) is never the same twice.

6. I am incredibly self conscious. I gained nearly 80 pounds when pregnant with Ethan, and have lost 40 pounds so far, but I have a hard time looking in the mirror at times.

7. I lived in Europe for nearly 6 years, and traveled and saw a ot of things, but I have never been happier than I am now.

8. I met my husband at Lowe's (where we both worked at the times) and my first impression of him was that it was creepy how he always smiled at me.

9. Charlie and I got married in Las Vegas a mere 3 1/2 months after we started dating. Have never second guessed it, and never looked back. I got me a good man, and I am happy.

10. I will forgive anyone who wrongs me, no matter what they did. Because I know the cost of forgiveness. It has been held from me, when I was truly sorry, and I have been forgiven for my many wrongs. Not to mention, if Christ can forgive a sinner like me, who am I to withhold forgiveness from you. But don't take me generosity lightly, just because I forgave you, doesn't mean I will allow you to continue hurting me. Jesus says to forgive 7 x 77 times, but he doesn't say I have to keep allowing you in my life if all you are going to do is hurt me.

11. Ethan is 4 1/2 months old, we are still breastfeeding strong (and we will be breastfeeding until he is 1 or he self weans...we haven't decided), we cloth diaper, we left him intact, and once in a while we even co-sleep. He's my first baby, and I don't know how to do everything right, so we are just doing things how we feel best. And this works for us, and we are happy.

12. I am one of the cheapest people you will meet. I am always looking for a good deal, always willing to accept something for free. Goodwill and Craigslist are very good friends of mine.

13.  I love to read, but I get lazy. I waste so much time on the computer and will go months without picking up a book.

14. I love inside jokes. I love knowing things that no one else knows. I love laughing at something that no one around gets, and even if I tried to explain it, it would not do justice.

15. I want to be the best I can be, for God, Charlie, and Ethan so I am always trying to improve for them, and not be stuck in a rut.

Juggling life

Being a wife and a mother means juggling many different things at once. Tending to the baby, keeping the house cleaned, getting dinner done, and of course I strive to be the best I can be, so I am adding on there more things. So how do I do it? There is no magic potion. The way I think that made things a bit easier is adding a little at a time, and definitely accepting help.

I am a Christian, a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, and a cook. And I want to do all these things well. I have learned that if I allow Charlie to help, then I can be better.

Charlie and I read our bible everyday, but since Ethan's arrival it was harder to find time to do it. So instead of us finding time (besides right before bed when we are both exhausted) when Ethan is asleep to read, we have gotten in the habit of Charlie reading to me every night when we bathe Ethan.

Instead of me feeling that it is completely my responsibility to keep the house up, I have learned that if I share the burden with my wonderful husband than we are both less stressed. If we both do a little, it is not overwhelming for either of us and we feel like more of a team.

This next step, was/is probably the hardest for me. Sometimes Ethan gets so fussy that there is nothing I can do to stop him from crying (crazy I know...lol) and I get frustrated. I am still learning, that it is OK to call Charlie and have him take over for a while. I mean after all we are a team.

So my biggest tip to how to juggle life is don't feel like you have to do it all yourself. You got married to have a partner, and a partner shares responsibilities. Let your spouse help.

Second of all, don't try to do it all at once. Start with what you are comfortable with. If you can't handle reading the bible everyday, do it once a week. If after dinner you are to tired to do dishes, do them in the morning. If the baby won't stop crying and nothing helps, skip bath time tonight and head straight to bed. Do the minimum that needs to be done and add a little at a time.

When you are comfortable, try adding another thing you want to do to make "you" the person you want to be. For example, I want to be the best mom I can be, so I added "Without Wednesday" to our schedule to try to focus on Ethan (and Charlie) more. I want to do more "do it yourself" things, so I am SLOWLY adding things to try to do myself (first cooking spray, then laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, etc). I want to live more green, so we started with cloth diapers, and now we are hang drying our clothes.

I am by far an organized woman, but I love my family. This is what I have wanted my whole life, so I strive to be all I can be. It's fun to see how the little things add up and before you know it, you have implemented many things that you wanted to do. One at a time.

It all can be done, if you don't overwhelm yourself or your family. Remember, clean dishes don't mean more than a happy family. Make time for family and build that relationship. I am certain you won't think back and wish you did the dishes (this doesn't mean keep your house trashed, just focus on priorities).

Do you have any tips on how you juggle life? How do you make things run organized? I would love more tips.

Love the Lord your God

The bible shows it pretty simple. The way to heaven is to believe in Jesus. But what does that mean? Does that mean anyone that says "I know that there is a god" or "Of course I believe in god" is a Christian?

Well first of all, the good news is, I don't make that choice. I am so thankful not to have to choose who is "worthy" to go to heaven and who is not. But I do read my bible, and I do think that it is pretty obvious about certain topics. Most of these topics that the bible is black and white on are hot button topics, but that is not the point of this blog. My goal in this blog is to hopefully open the eyes of my readers and see that it takes more than "knowing" that there is a god to be accepted into heaven. The bible says that even the demons know that there is a God and shudder (James 2:19).

I don't think that's enough. I think that what God is asking of us when he asks us to believe in Him is to believe in the God that is portrayed in the bible (Jeremiah 29:13). I believe that He wants you to make a decision to follow Him, but not the "Him" that you think you are following, but the true God. The God that is plainly laid out in the bible. The God that plays hard ball when he has too (Matthew 21:12), but is also loving and kind when you are hurting (Psalm 109:21).

God is never changing. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8). He doesn't change for you. The bible is God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16), and it doesn't change just because you don't agree with something in it. You don't get to pick and choose what you believe in the bible. It's all or nothing.

Now that statement gets people all crazy because they argue "well you eat pork", "you wear clothing of mixed materials" etc. My rebuttal to that (whether you agree or not) is that Jesus Christ came to the Earth to help bridge that gap. The Old Testament is full of rules. Those rules had there place, they were to help the Israelite people. Where I do not think we can fully discredit the Old Testament, I do believe there is ton to learn and grow from it. Jesus' coming and dying fullfilled those rules for us. He stepped and and became the sacraficial lamb so we don't have to keep "doing" to be saved. Now all we have to do to be "saved" is to believe in the Lord (John 3:16).

Now back to my original point. The Lord that you have to believe in, is the Lord that will be saving you. Any other lord, would be your own creation and in essense a "idol". For those who say things such as "I don't believe that a loving God would _______ (fill in the blank)" it confuses me. My God, the God that is protrayed in the Bible, the Christian God, does not want you to hurt. But because of a mistake that Adam and Eve did forever ago, we are given free will. We decide how we live our life. Our decisions dictate how God reacts to us. I believe fully that He doesn't "want" any of us to hurt. But when we mess up. It happens.

For example, you tell your child don't play on the furniture he could get hurt. He continues to do so, until one day he falls and hurts himself. You didn't want him to get hurt, but he failed to live by the rules you set out, so he was hurt.

(Side note: This does not pertain to death, or illness. I believe that God allows people to get sick and/or die for a purpose that I am not smart enough to understand, nor do I want that responsiblity. I know my God is a loving God and choose to trust his judgement).

So if you live a life that is not how God calls you to live, and you are hurt in the process, I would argue that it is not God's doing, but your own. God knows that we will not be sinless, He knows that we will mess up. That is why He sent His son to die for our sins. He doesn't expect perfection. But I strive to live a life that is so thankful for the gift God has given us that I do not want to live any other way than how he has called us to live.

So in conclusion:

Find out who God is

Believe in His salvation

Follow His Word 

Be Eternally Grateful

Fighting for your Marriage

Let me begin to say that I am not an expert on marriage. Some may say that I have no room to talk, because I have been through a divorce. But I went through a lot in my previous marriage to help me in this marriage.

To give you a quick back story, I was married for almost 7 years to a high school boyfriend. For most of the marriage I was a Christian "in name only". I claimed to be a Christian, but my actions did not represent that. We were both very abusive to each other in very different ways. After 7 years, 2 deployments, many acts of infidelity, different forms of abuse, our marriage ended. Where I completely believe that God did not want us to divorce, I have asked for forgiveness and believe that God has taken my sin and forgiven me, and is blessing my life now that I have given him full rein of it. (Let me state for the record, he filed for divorce, but once he did..for the second time...I completely gave up and allowed the marriage to dissolve.) I only tell you all this because I am not perfect, and I have a background of fighting in a Christian marriage, AND a not so Christian marriage.

So the question at hand is, how do you deal with fights in your marriage if you are a Godly woman? Well let me first say, the bible does not say that you can't fight with your spouse, nor does it say you have to be happy all the time. The bible specifically states "Be angry, and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26) This means, it is ok to be angry. But it is not ok to sin. Anger is not a sin, what you do while you are angry could be.

In my previous marriage fights were just that, fights. We yelled, screamed, pushed, and more. There was a lot of sinning in the marriage, and a lot of sinning in the fighting. I never felt respected, and I am certain he didn't either. We just constantly tore each other down and didn't spend much time building each other up. This kind of fighting, just does not work. It makes you both have regrets, it makes you both feel bad, it makes you both just miserable all around.

So how should you fight?

Charlie and I have been married just about 10 months, and have not once yelled, screamed, or physically touched each other in anger. I definitely am not saying we have perfected the art of fighting. But I can promise you if you try to do these small tips, the lows in your marriage, will seem not so bad.

Never yell at your spouse. I don't care if your spouse is screaming at you. If you keep a calm voice and attitude, it will help the whole situation calm down. If your spouse is screaming, and you scream, then they scream louder....vicious cycle. Keep your voice low and attitude calm and you will easily keep the fight smaller.

Never say anything that may be regretted later. Never call your spouse names. Unless they are sweet pet names. Never put your spouse down. Attack the issue, not your spouse.

Never lie to your spouse. I have learned this first hand. Lying never helps. No matter what the truth is, always tell it. Better to go through hell now trying to get over something big, than living a lie for years, and it possibly coming out later and having to deal with it then. In my previous marriage, I lied a lot. I don't know why, or what possessed me too, but it hurt the marriage so much.

Never fight in front of the kids. Your children should always see you and your spouse treat each other with respect, and never hear you two fight. There is no reason. Just as intimate time should happen behind closed doors, so should disagreements.

Lastly, NEVER EVER EVER threaten divorce. You married your spouse, you swore before God that you would stay with your spouse "for better or for worse". Don't think divorce, don't say divorce, and don't divorce. From the first month of marriage, my ex-husband had put divorce on the table, and the entire 7 years we were married, I never felt confident it would last, because he was always threatening (and then finally going through with) divorce. Make sure your spouse knows without a shadow of a doubt that you are staying put, that through thick and thin, no matter what happens, you two are a team. And make sure YOU believe it too. Divorce is not an option.

Once again, I am no expert, but I have learned from first hand experience that following these few tips will help so much! The other day Charlie and I were getting ready for bed, and he said to me, "I am sorry we had a bad day and fought today", I looked at him, and with all sincerity said "when did we fight?". That's how it should be, fights should be that calm and loving still.

What about you? Do you have any tips that help you in your marriage to keep fights at bay? I would love to hear them.

Unanswered Prayers

Dear Charlie,
Oh my love, how could I be so blessed as to have you love me so deeply? How did God see me as worthy, even as I was living in sin, to grant me the love I have begged for years to have?

My life has been so chaotic, and has so many low points. It would be very easy to fall into a "woe is me" outlook of life. I could easily curse God for all the pain that I went through. But I see it all as a way to help me grow and make me who I am. There are so many scars in my past that I wish were not there. However I can see each step brought me right into your arms.

A friend recently stated to me, "Ugh, Why couldn't you and Charles find each other sooner?" and it was so easy for me to answer, "Because we would have been a mess for each other". God knew better than us. God knew what we needed to go through in our individual lives before we could come together and love each other so fully and completely.

From the first moment you looked at me and said "I love you" I have never doubted it. During our lowest low, I still knew. The biggest doubt I had ever had was, "will this intense deep love last?" "will I ever be good enough to deserve this, and keep you around?" Well my love, I still doubt myself, but you have spent everyday out our last year together building me up and making me feel more love than I ever knew was possible. I believe in you. I believe in your love. I believe that those eyes look at me with as much love as your words profess. I believe it, and I love it!

For years I prayed to God for a family, I begged God for a Christian husband, I cried to Him regularly to fill my womb with a child. And finally those prayers have been answered, but no where near how I thought they would be. Thank God, He knows better than I do. Thank God that He knew that there was a man waiting for me, and was going to fulfill ALL of those prayers.

I am in complete awe with how God has orchestrated my life. And I thank Him daily for allowing me to have a husband who strives daily to show Christ's love to me, to lead this family the way God calls you too, and to be a better man.

I am so proud of you and the man of God you are becoming. You're growth and change that I have seen in the last year is admirable. You are growing in the the man God wants you to be. I cannot wait to see who you become and stand next to you as you grow.  I love you Charlie.


Your devoted loving wife,
Kari Rose

Garth Brooks

"Unanswered Prayers"

What I deserve

My life has not been perfect. I have done quite a few things that are not things that "good Christians" should do. And I held alot of shame over those things for a long time. It wasn't until a friend approached me (with equal types of "bad" things in her past" and asked me, if I have a problem forgiving those who have hurt me, or forgiving myself for the bad I have done. This really got me thinking. The quick answer was no, I no longer feel guilty. But then I had to ask myself "Why?"


I do not "deserve" the blessings that God has given me, I do not "deserve" this amazing family i have, I do not "deserve" this second...third...forth...etc chance that I have been given. And then it clicked. I do not "deserve" any of this. But isn't that alone, the whole point. We as humans do not deserve the eternale life God has promised. We will never live up to those standards and we will never be "good enough".

I told my friend (which was God speaking through me, considering it was in the moment, and wasn't until hours later I realized how true of a statement I was making) that once I truly gave my life over to Jesus, and leaned on him for my salvation. Once I made life style changes to become a child of God and not a child of Satan, that God had forgiven me. I had become a new creation in Christ. I was no longer who I had been, but I was now God's chosen child. The old me was gone.


So as a follower of Jesus, once I asked for his forgiveness, he wiped my sin away, made me white as snow. He no longer held those sins over me. So if the creator of the universe had forgiven me, and I had made life style changes, and I was now walking as a child of God, then why shouldn't I deserve the blessings God has given me.


I will never be deserving of God's goodness. I will never be sinless. I will never be all that I should be. But I try everyday to be a little bit better and I believe that God sees that I am trying and honors that.


There are two songs that helped me during my walk back to Christ, two songs that made me realize, I am not who I was, I am not the mistakes I made. I am Kari Rose Hache. And Jesus Christ loves me and has forgiven me. I hope that if you are struggling through past sins, and whether or not you deserve anything new they will help you too.

Change in the Making

Addision Road

You are More

Tenth Avenue North

Just remember two truths from these songs. God is not done with you yet and you are more than the sins you have made. I pray that this blog reaches someone deeply, because it has been just tugging at my heart for days to write. If you have any questions, or need to talk more in depth about Gods love for you, about his forgiveness, or about how you can also be free from bondage, please comment or email me at faithcanmove7@gmail.com. I would LOVE to talk to you.

Lost Child

I have decided to open my heart and write a very candid letter to my recently passed away mother. It has been hard on me as I was under the impression she had her life under control, and then this slapped us in the face. I wasn't going to write this out of respect to others, but as her daughter I believe I have the right to feel the way I feel and to express it as I would like. So I apologize if this offends you.

Dear Mom,

I am having such anger issues with your death. It has been very hard for me to separate dad's suicide and your overdose. Truly whats the difference? You were not a dumb person, you knew the consequences to your actions and you didn't care. You knew that any minute I could be giving birth to my little guy, your grandson, and you didn't care. You promised me, to the point of me actually believing you, that you were going to come visit us. But the truth ended up being, that a quick high was more important than your children or grandchildren. Honestly, how many times did you choose drugs or alcohol over us? How many visits to Michigan were canceled because you didnt have enough money? And where did your money go? How many times did we go without because we didn't have enough money? This is not a new problem, this has been a constant issue for over ten years.

It took me over 10 years to get angry at dad for what he did. You saw how his death affected all of us children, but that wasn't enough. Gosh mom, why was drugs so much better than your children? I look at my son, and I would do anything for him. I would give up the world just to see him smile. I just don't understand how every mom doesn't feel the same way. But you didn't feel the same way, did you? I can make a list of things that were more important than us children. For goodness sake, you didnt speak to me for over a year! And why? Because your drug infested life was more important than your first born child. You brought danger to your children more than once. You gave us drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. How do you rationalize that?

Now can you explain to me mom, how your drug overdose is any different than dad shooting himself? In all honesty, you chose this. You may not have known that when you started that night that it would kill you, but you knew the dangers you were putting yourself in. You knew that if anything happened to you that the three of us would be orphaned. And you did it anyways, over and over again. You just didn't care about anything but the "now". How would it make you feel "now". Well mom, how do you feel now? You know have three relatively young children with no parents. You have three grandchildren that will never have grandparents. You willingly orphaned us.

Mom, I was asked the other day "how big were you when you were born?" Well I don't know that answer, nor the answer to hundreds of other questions from my childhood, and who can I ask? Noone! I hope your last night was worth it mom.


But here's the deal. I forgive you. Not because you deserve it, but because I was forgiven when I didn't deserve it. I am not going to let this control my life, you made your bed, and now are laying in it. The only thing I can do now is raise my son the way God asks me to and not the way I was shown. I still love you. I still am sad that you are gone. I am still sad that your grandson will never meet you. But life goes on. And I will "go on" happily with my family.

Love,
Kari

PS to my readers, this was all the anger I could muster just to get it out. On a normal day to day basis I am not this angry, but I feel that if I were to just to let it all out it would make me feel better. I will let you know. But please keep me and my family (sister and brother especially) in your prayers as I know we are all dealing with this.

New Year, New Start

I love New Years. I realize its just another day, but its something about that day that makes people (especially me) reflect on life and want to make positive changes in the future. It allows us to look at the last year and critic the good and the bad. What to do again, and what to never look at again. That being said, 2011 was a whirlwind of a year. It began with the worst year of my life (being abandoned, and getting a divorce) and ended the best I could ever even imagine (finding the love of my life, and beginning a family with him). Therefore it is hard to really look back at this year. But all the bad that happened just makes me even more hopeful about the upcoming year. My life is not that same as it was a year ago, and I cannot think of a single thing that could make it turn into that life again. All that being said, I am going to lay out some resolutions here for this year. I choose to write them in a blog, because I feel that it will hold me more accountable.

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to  bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.

Now friends and loved ones, I ask that you help hold me accountable to these 10 goals. I would like to look back each month at this list and evaluate how I am doing. I dont want to just let these go. Also, if you made resolutions and would also like an accountability partner, I'd love to team up on this. Let me know!