6 Months down -- a relook at resolutions

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.
Check. I have the most amazing 6 month old little guy and I am trying my best. Sometimes I "take over" and I am really trying to get better. But I am doing the best I currently can.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.
Check? I think I am doing this. Ask Charlie for clarification. I try daily. I fail. I never claim to be perfect, but I am trying.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.
Mostly fail on this one. Where I have lost 40 of the 80 lbs I put on during pregnancy I have not changed my eating habits very much. We eat out way more than "never". Physical fitness is daily on my to do list yet rarely completed.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.
Ask Charlie. I strive to continually get better and I do regularly check in with him to make sure there is no way I am failing. He is constantly telling me that he is happy, so who knows, maybe he is. :)

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.
This one seems to be falling to the wayside. It is still a desire of ours, but it doesn't seem to be something that will be done this year...We will see what/where God wants to be. And we are happy to follow Him and wait as long as need be to be back in Michigan.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.
Well what can I say to this. Our debt is not getting any worse. We did pay off two of our "Same as cash" things on one of our cards before interest was accured. And we have a plan to get things under control. But with my current work situation we are bringing in way less than we would like, but both believe time with Ethan is much more important than more money.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.
Yea....major fail. I have read a total of 4 books this year. Not good, and no excuse why.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.
Win, we have read it everyday....except one last week. Somehow our routine got messed up and we just lost it. However I believe that one day we miss in nearly a year is still a win.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.
Fail. Dishes don't get done as often as needed. Books are not being read. Working out not being done. Ethan getting pushed aside. Facebook and blogging however, are being done. :(

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.
Well....Charlie is doing great about this, so I recently looked at my life and asked why I wasn't doing as good. I realized it is because I don't have people in my life that are no Christians. However, the people that I do meet that I do not know if they are Christians, I make sure they know that I am as well....Sure thats like one in 6 months, but hey.

Well there you have it. Some wins, some fails. Now I need to recommit to do better. Here goes.

Day 25 -- Something that never fails to make you feel better.

I am days behind on this, but nevertheless, I will complete this challenge. The finish line is so close, and I want to cross it. Over the last few days, Ethan and I have not been sleeping well at night, and I have been TIRED when it was time to wake up. So tired I just was frusterated that he was awake. But in these moments I have an answer to this blog.  



Date night (spending time) with my hubby



These two grins

Nothing makes me happier then these two guys. And when I am tired and grumpy, when I am overwhelmed, all I need is a smile from Ethan, or a hug from Charlie and all is good again. I am one blessed woman, and I thank God for my life.



Day 21 -- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

My little man and me, 5 months old.
June 21, 2011

12 weeks pregnant with my little man
June 26, 2011

How have I changed in the last year? It has been a year full of change. I got married, I became a mama, and if that wasn't enough, I got baptized, grew in my relationship with Christ. Its been a great year. And probably the most eventful ever. Never in my life have I been so happy, and I would not change a single thing. If all the hurt I had to go through in the past brought me to my life now....it was well worth it. I love you Ethan and Charlie

Day 13 -- My wish for the future

My wish for the future has always been the same. When I die, I want everyone to think/say that.....

 I loved Jesus

that I was a great wife

the best mom possible

My desire is to do all of those things so well, that there is no doubt in anyones mind that those three things are the most important things to me. These are the things that matter....not the money in the bank account, not the job I have, not how clean my house is.

 I want to leave a legacy. I want for generations my children, and their children, and their children to say how great Grandma Kari was. I want for my grandchildren to know that Grandma Kari was always happy, always loving, always spoiling but still strict. That Grandma Kari loved Jesus more than anyone they knew, followed Him to the best of her ability. And not to mention that no ever doubt the love Grandma Kari always had for Grandpa Charlie.

With all the death I have experienced in my life there is lots of talk about "how" certain people lived their life.

I am told all the time that there was no doubt, my dad loved us kids more than anything.
My mom was only strict because she wanted us to grow to be responsible adults.
Grandma loved Jesus and just wanted to go home to him.

However, a long with those great things, I am overwhelmed by the negative that took over their lives (or death).

My dad is more well known for his suicide than for his love for his children.
My mom is currently more well known for the drugs that overtook her life than for the good she did for us.
My great grandmas death created a wedge in our family that is still there years after her death.

My prayer is that more positive things are remembered about me than negative. I don't want to be remembered for my past, the infedelities, lies, divorce. I want to be remembered for the future, my love, my commitment, my parenting.

What type of legacy do you want to leave behind? If you were to die today, what would you be remembered for? Think on that for a little bit today?

Day 12 -- My favorite place

In my husband's arms

 and

playing on the floor making my little guy laugh

I tried to think of literal places to do this blog for but I just could not think of any place I loved more than these two places. What can I say, I am a simple gal.

What about you? Where is your favorite place?

Day 10 -- My favorite memory

At the risk of repeating stories, I am not going to tell the story of Ethan's Birth or our wedding/proposal. So that leaves me thinking....so I am going to choose to tell you about my Baptism.

On August 28, 2011 our church performed a baptism at a nearby river. After a long consideration, Charlie and I decided to get baptized. It was a 3rd baptism for me. But I felt like it was needed.

sharing my testimony

Charlie's testimony

My first baptism happened when I was young, like 8 or 9. I had no conception of what it meant to be baptized, all I knew at the time was that my friend was getting baptized and I wanted to be with her.

My next baptism was when I was 14. I knew Christ then, and knew what it meant. However, in the next decade I would falter with my walk with Christ dramatically.

When discussing this baptism, I waivered back and forth quite a bit. I knew I did not need another baptism to be saved and accepted into heaven when I die. However, I also was starting a new life. I was newly married, I was pregnant with Ethan. I believe baptism is an outward expression of an inward decision. As Charlie and I were beginning our life over, and he was going to be baptized, I decided it would be a great way to start our marriage out.

So we approached our pastor and asked him if he would baptize us. He readily agreed. And as the day approached we were getting more and more excited about the concept.

What makes this one of my fondest memories is that as we went up to be baptized, the pastor said he would first baptize Charlie and after he had been baptized, that he would be able to then baptize me. So not only were we able to start our marriage off on the right path, following God and expressing our love for Him, but my husband, my dearest love, was able to perform the act for me. It was one of the most meaningful moments we have experienced as a couple (of course right behind the birth of our child, and our wedding). I love that my husband and I have that between us.

Day 8 -- My favorite vacation

How often do vacations not live up to the expectations that were set out. You were promised sunshine, got rain. Needed a stress free week, and somehow things could not have ended more stressful.

Well last July my boyfriend and I went on a trip to California. A trip that promised me to see the Pacific Ocean, Sequoia National Forrest, a trip to visit my cousin in LA, and biggest thing, to meet his mom and sister. I knew I had to make a good impression. I wanted them to like me, after all, I held the newest member to their family in my womb. So like me or not, we had a future together.

We drove to California, and made it with little complications. Met everyone, things seemed to be going good. Was let in on inside jokes, visited things I had never seen before. It seemed like this vacation was not going to be a let down, it was actually going pretty well. Then on our second to last day there, we drove to LA. This is where my simple trip to California started out good, then turned great, and later would turn to the best vacation ever.

Charlie, Jamie Jean (my cousin) and I did the star walk of fame in Hollywood. It was fun. We had gone to Ripley's Believe it or not Museum, saw tons of fun stars (on the ground, lol), walked past a premiere of "Captain America". Then we realized it was getting close to our time running out at parking so we started to head back. Charlie, at one point, stopped at a blank star and asked me to take his picture at it. Then...he proposed to me. It was absolutely perfect.

When we had gotten back to his mom's house, the idea of getting married on the way home got brought up. We could take a small detour home and get married in Las Vegas. That sounded great to both of us, but the problem was, we were leaving in a day. Neither of us knew if we could get it all coordinated in a day.

Needless to say, we did. Everything fell into perfect place. The price, the times, the marriage license. And on July 21, 2011, the tail end of my first vacation west, Charlie (who started out the trip as my boyfriend) became my husband. I was Kari Rose Hache. Life was perfect.

This vacation not only lived up to, but succeed all possible expectations and wants. The perfect vacation.

What is your favorite vacation? How did it surpass all your expectations?

Day 6 -- Quote of the day

I decided to just put out a bunch of quotes and enjoyable things to read. Hope you enjoy.

Day 1 -- 15 facts about me

1. Thankful for my heavenly Father and Chuck, because without them, I would be an orphan by more than just official definition.

2. I used to live by the philosophy "I will try anything once" but that didn't work out so well, now I live by, "I will do anything to glorify God".  

3. There are days I talk to my sister on the phone for hours (literally), and when asked what we talked about, I would have no answer.

4. I read my bible everyday. I began this habit in 2010, and had some breaks in 2011 (that was a rough year for me) but have no missed a day since last August. It is amazing how much you learn and grow when you are determined to read God's word daily.

5. My mom always cooked "with a pinch of this" or "a splash of that", never having measurements. I can say that I have become that type of a cook too. My chili recipe (and others) is never the same twice.

6. I am incredibly self conscious. I gained nearly 80 pounds when pregnant with Ethan, and have lost 40 pounds so far, but I have a hard time looking in the mirror at times.

7. I lived in Europe for nearly 6 years, and traveled and saw a ot of things, but I have never been happier than I am now.

8. I met my husband at Lowe's (where we both worked at the times) and my first impression of him was that it was creepy how he always smiled at me.

9. Charlie and I got married in Las Vegas a mere 3 1/2 months after we started dating. Have never second guessed it, and never looked back. I got me a good man, and I am happy.

10. I will forgive anyone who wrongs me, no matter what they did. Because I know the cost of forgiveness. It has been held from me, when I was truly sorry, and I have been forgiven for my many wrongs. Not to mention, if Christ can forgive a sinner like me, who am I to withhold forgiveness from you. But don't take me generosity lightly, just because I forgave you, doesn't mean I will allow you to continue hurting me. Jesus says to forgive 7 x 77 times, but he doesn't say I have to keep allowing you in my life if all you are going to do is hurt me.

11. Ethan is 4 1/2 months old, we are still breastfeeding strong (and we will be breastfeeding until he is 1 or he self weans...we haven't decided), we cloth diaper, we left him intact, and once in a while we even co-sleep. He's my first baby, and I don't know how to do everything right, so we are just doing things how we feel best. And this works for us, and we are happy.

12. I am one of the cheapest people you will meet. I am always looking for a good deal, always willing to accept something for free. Goodwill and Craigslist are very good friends of mine.

13.  I love to read, but I get lazy. I waste so much time on the computer and will go months without picking up a book.

14. I love inside jokes. I love knowing things that no one else knows. I love laughing at something that no one around gets, and even if I tried to explain it, it would not do justice.

15. I want to be the best I can be, for God, Charlie, and Ethan so I am always trying to improve for them, and not be stuck in a rut.

Juggling life

Being a wife and a mother means juggling many different things at once. Tending to the baby, keeping the house cleaned, getting dinner done, and of course I strive to be the best I can be, so I am adding on there more things. So how do I do it? There is no magic potion. The way I think that made things a bit easier is adding a little at a time, and definitely accepting help.

I am a Christian, a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, and a cook. And I want to do all these things well. I have learned that if I allow Charlie to help, then I can be better.

Charlie and I read our bible everyday, but since Ethan's arrival it was harder to find time to do it. So instead of us finding time (besides right before bed when we are both exhausted) when Ethan is asleep to read, we have gotten in the habit of Charlie reading to me every night when we bathe Ethan.

Instead of me feeling that it is completely my responsibility to keep the house up, I have learned that if I share the burden with my wonderful husband than we are both less stressed. If we both do a little, it is not overwhelming for either of us and we feel like more of a team.

This next step, was/is probably the hardest for me. Sometimes Ethan gets so fussy that there is nothing I can do to stop him from crying (crazy I know...lol) and I get frustrated. I am still learning, that it is OK to call Charlie and have him take over for a while. I mean after all we are a team.

So my biggest tip to how to juggle life is don't feel like you have to do it all yourself. You got married to have a partner, and a partner shares responsibilities. Let your spouse help.

Second of all, don't try to do it all at once. Start with what you are comfortable with. If you can't handle reading the bible everyday, do it once a week. If after dinner you are to tired to do dishes, do them in the morning. If the baby won't stop crying and nothing helps, skip bath time tonight and head straight to bed. Do the minimum that needs to be done and add a little at a time.

When you are comfortable, try adding another thing you want to do to make "you" the person you want to be. For example, I want to be the best mom I can be, so I added "Without Wednesday" to our schedule to try to focus on Ethan (and Charlie) more. I want to do more "do it yourself" things, so I am SLOWLY adding things to try to do myself (first cooking spray, then laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, etc). I want to live more green, so we started with cloth diapers, and now we are hang drying our clothes.

I am by far an organized woman, but I love my family. This is what I have wanted my whole life, so I strive to be all I can be. It's fun to see how the little things add up and before you know it, you have implemented many things that you wanted to do. One at a time.

It all can be done, if you don't overwhelm yourself or your family. Remember, clean dishes don't mean more than a happy family. Make time for family and build that relationship. I am certain you won't think back and wish you did the dishes (this doesn't mean keep your house trashed, just focus on priorities).

Do you have any tips on how you juggle life? How do you make things run organized? I would love more tips.

Fighting for your Marriage

Let me begin to say that I am not an expert on marriage. Some may say that I have no room to talk, because I have been through a divorce. But I went through a lot in my previous marriage to help me in this marriage.

To give you a quick back story, I was married for almost 7 years to a high school boyfriend. For most of the marriage I was a Christian "in name only". I claimed to be a Christian, but my actions did not represent that. We were both very abusive to each other in very different ways. After 7 years, 2 deployments, many acts of infidelity, different forms of abuse, our marriage ended. Where I completely believe that God did not want us to divorce, I have asked for forgiveness and believe that God has taken my sin and forgiven me, and is blessing my life now that I have given him full rein of it. (Let me state for the record, he filed for divorce, but once he did..for the second time...I completely gave up and allowed the marriage to dissolve.) I only tell you all this because I am not perfect, and I have a background of fighting in a Christian marriage, AND a not so Christian marriage.

So the question at hand is, how do you deal with fights in your marriage if you are a Godly woman? Well let me first say, the bible does not say that you can't fight with your spouse, nor does it say you have to be happy all the time. The bible specifically states "Be angry, and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26) This means, it is ok to be angry. But it is not ok to sin. Anger is not a sin, what you do while you are angry could be.

In my previous marriage fights were just that, fights. We yelled, screamed, pushed, and more. There was a lot of sinning in the marriage, and a lot of sinning in the fighting. I never felt respected, and I am certain he didn't either. We just constantly tore each other down and didn't spend much time building each other up. This kind of fighting, just does not work. It makes you both have regrets, it makes you both feel bad, it makes you both just miserable all around.

So how should you fight?

Charlie and I have been married just about 10 months, and have not once yelled, screamed, or physically touched each other in anger. I definitely am not saying we have perfected the art of fighting. But I can promise you if you try to do these small tips, the lows in your marriage, will seem not so bad.

Never yell at your spouse. I don't care if your spouse is screaming at you. If you keep a calm voice and attitude, it will help the whole situation calm down. If your spouse is screaming, and you scream, then they scream louder....vicious cycle. Keep your voice low and attitude calm and you will easily keep the fight smaller.

Never say anything that may be regretted later. Never call your spouse names. Unless they are sweet pet names. Never put your spouse down. Attack the issue, not your spouse.

Never lie to your spouse. I have learned this first hand. Lying never helps. No matter what the truth is, always tell it. Better to go through hell now trying to get over something big, than living a lie for years, and it possibly coming out later and having to deal with it then. In my previous marriage, I lied a lot. I don't know why, or what possessed me too, but it hurt the marriage so much.

Never fight in front of the kids. Your children should always see you and your spouse treat each other with respect, and never hear you two fight. There is no reason. Just as intimate time should happen behind closed doors, so should disagreements.

Lastly, NEVER EVER EVER threaten divorce. You married your spouse, you swore before God that you would stay with your spouse "for better or for worse". Don't think divorce, don't say divorce, and don't divorce. From the first month of marriage, my ex-husband had put divorce on the table, and the entire 7 years we were married, I never felt confident it would last, because he was always threatening (and then finally going through with) divorce. Make sure your spouse knows without a shadow of a doubt that you are staying put, that through thick and thin, no matter what happens, you two are a team. And make sure YOU believe it too. Divorce is not an option.

Once again, I am no expert, but I have learned from first hand experience that following these few tips will help so much! The other day Charlie and I were getting ready for bed, and he said to me, "I am sorry we had a bad day and fought today", I looked at him, and with all sincerity said "when did we fight?". That's how it should be, fights should be that calm and loving still.

What about you? Do you have any tips that help you in your marriage to keep fights at bay? I would love to hear them.