6 Months down -- a relook at resolutions

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.
Check. I have the most amazing 6 month old little guy and I am trying my best. Sometimes I "take over" and I am really trying to get better. But I am doing the best I currently can.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.
Check? I think I am doing this. Ask Charlie for clarification. I try daily. I fail. I never claim to be perfect, but I am trying.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.
Mostly fail on this one. Where I have lost 40 of the 80 lbs I put on during pregnancy I have not changed my eating habits very much. We eat out way more than "never". Physical fitness is daily on my to do list yet rarely completed.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.
Ask Charlie. I strive to continually get better and I do regularly check in with him to make sure there is no way I am failing. He is constantly telling me that he is happy, so who knows, maybe he is. :)

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.
This one seems to be falling to the wayside. It is still a desire of ours, but it doesn't seem to be something that will be done this year...We will see what/where God wants to be. And we are happy to follow Him and wait as long as need be to be back in Michigan.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.
Well what can I say to this. Our debt is not getting any worse. We did pay off two of our "Same as cash" things on one of our cards before interest was accured. And we have a plan to get things under control. But with my current work situation we are bringing in way less than we would like, but both believe time with Ethan is much more important than more money.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.
Yea....major fail. I have read a total of 4 books this year. Not good, and no excuse why.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.
Win, we have read it everyday....except one last week. Somehow our routine got messed up and we just lost it. However I believe that one day we miss in nearly a year is still a win.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.
Fail. Dishes don't get done as often as needed. Books are not being read. Working out not being done. Ethan getting pushed aside. Facebook and blogging however, are being done. :(

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.
Well....Charlie is doing great about this, so I recently looked at my life and asked why I wasn't doing as good. I realized it is because I don't have people in my life that are no Christians. However, the people that I do meet that I do not know if they are Christians, I make sure they know that I am as well....Sure thats like one in 6 months, but hey.

Well there you have it. Some wins, some fails. Now I need to recommit to do better. Here goes.

Day 17 -- Short term goals for this month

During the month of June I have two different 30 day challenges going on. One, is obviously, to blog everyday, and the other is to eat vegetarian, more specifically not to purchase meat with our grocery trip.

As we are trying to be more mindful with our money, we have made a few changes to try to save (use the AC as little as possible, hang laundry outside to dry, and not to purchase meat to name a few). The point of this goal was to save money on the grocery bill (which it did, it brought our $300 monthly bill down to $240), we have on the other hand seen other benefits. We don't eat out nearly as much, which obviously saves money also. Because of those two changes, I have noticed a drop of about 5 pounds.
Charlie is a "meat and potato" kind of guy, so we really weren't sure how we would like this experiment. Well I am pleased to say that after nearly 3 weeks of preparing meals with no meat, there has been only one meal that he hasn't liked. And we are intaking so much more vegetables and learning vegetables that we didn't even know we liked.
Another goal I have is to make it to the pool a few times a week with Ethan. The point with this is to help Ethan become acclamated with the Texas weather, learn to love the water, and get a small workout in (not to mention getting me out in the Texas weather a little this summer). Our only issue with this is that having Ethan around the chlorine so often isn't very good for him, however the lakes are gross and all of them cost money, so we are in a catch-22.

Finally, one last short term goal I have is to not waste money. Charlie and I both have a bad habit of wasting money, whether it is on eating out, or wasteful spending on things not needed. In the last month, we have gotten very good about not wasting as much and being better at watching our spending. The goal is to continue on the better habits that we have begun.

Are there any short term goals that you are planning throughout the summer?

Day 13 -- My wish for the future

My wish for the future has always been the same. When I die, I want everyone to think/say that.....

 I loved Jesus

that I was a great wife

the best mom possible

My desire is to do all of those things so well, that there is no doubt in anyones mind that those three things are the most important things to me. These are the things that matter....not the money in the bank account, not the job I have, not how clean my house is.

 I want to leave a legacy. I want for generations my children, and their children, and their children to say how great Grandma Kari was. I want for my grandchildren to know that Grandma Kari was always happy, always loving, always spoiling but still strict. That Grandma Kari loved Jesus more than anyone they knew, followed Him to the best of her ability. And not to mention that no ever doubt the love Grandma Kari always had for Grandpa Charlie.

With all the death I have experienced in my life there is lots of talk about "how" certain people lived their life.

I am told all the time that there was no doubt, my dad loved us kids more than anything.
My mom was only strict because she wanted us to grow to be responsible adults.
Grandma loved Jesus and just wanted to go home to him.

However, a long with those great things, I am overwhelmed by the negative that took over their lives (or death).

My dad is more well known for his suicide than for his love for his children.
My mom is currently more well known for the drugs that overtook her life than for the good she did for us.
My great grandmas death created a wedge in our family that is still there years after her death.

My prayer is that more positive things are remembered about me than negative. I don't want to be remembered for my past, the infedelities, lies, divorce. I want to be remembered for the future, my love, my commitment, my parenting.

What type of legacy do you want to leave behind? If you were to die today, what would you be remembered for? Think on that for a little bit today?

Day 7 -- My hobbies

My current most important and enjoyable hobby, is playing with my son. I never would have guessed that making a fool out of myself, just so my 4 month old will laugh could bring me so much joy. But it does, being his mama is the best hobby/job I have.

However, when Ethan naps, and especially on our "Without Wednesdays" I like to read, I want to get back into make my hemp jewelry, and obviously, I like to blog.

My reading is not anywhere nearly as often as it has been during some stages of my life. I truly love a good book, I just get to trapped in the internet to pick it up. I enjoy a good romance book, but not anything higher than a PG-13 in book form. I used to love mystery novels, but I haven't read a good mystery novel in a very long time (have any suggestions?). But lately most of my books that I am reading are Christian fiction. Either Christian Romance, or Christian Mystery. A good author can write a novel, with christian undertones, or blantly christian, and you not feel like its a bad story or that religion is being shoved down your throat. See Ted Dekker, and Francince Rivers for example.

A couple years ago my aunt brought me to a music festival called "Wheatland" and they had little workshops there where they taught you how to make/do things. I went to the one that taught about hemp jewelry and fell in love. For the next year I made tons of necklaces or bracelets for my family and friends. But then I just kinda, stopped...I recently bought the stuff to get back into it, and I did make one bracelet for Charlie, but I just haven't really committed yet.

I don't know what has gotten me so into blogging lately. But I am enjoying it. I don't have a very high volume of readers that follow (I hope that changes) but I still enjoy it. As long as blogging doesn't start to take away from my responsiblities as a mommy or a wife, then I am keeping on.

I am always interested in trying new things and expanding my horizons, do you have any hobbies that may be interesting?

Day 6 -- Quote of the day

I decided to just put out a bunch of quotes and enjoyable things to read. Hope you enjoy.

Day 1 -- 15 facts about me

1. Thankful for my heavenly Father and Chuck, because without them, I would be an orphan by more than just official definition.

2. I used to live by the philosophy "I will try anything once" but that didn't work out so well, now I live by, "I will do anything to glorify God".  

3. There are days I talk to my sister on the phone for hours (literally), and when asked what we talked about, I would have no answer.

4. I read my bible everyday. I began this habit in 2010, and had some breaks in 2011 (that was a rough year for me) but have no missed a day since last August. It is amazing how much you learn and grow when you are determined to read God's word daily.

5. My mom always cooked "with a pinch of this" or "a splash of that", never having measurements. I can say that I have become that type of a cook too. My chili recipe (and others) is never the same twice.

6. I am incredibly self conscious. I gained nearly 80 pounds when pregnant with Ethan, and have lost 40 pounds so far, but I have a hard time looking in the mirror at times.

7. I lived in Europe for nearly 6 years, and traveled and saw a ot of things, but I have never been happier than I am now.

8. I met my husband at Lowe's (where we both worked at the times) and my first impression of him was that it was creepy how he always smiled at me.

9. Charlie and I got married in Las Vegas a mere 3 1/2 months after we started dating. Have never second guessed it, and never looked back. I got me a good man, and I am happy.

10. I will forgive anyone who wrongs me, no matter what they did. Because I know the cost of forgiveness. It has been held from me, when I was truly sorry, and I have been forgiven for my many wrongs. Not to mention, if Christ can forgive a sinner like me, who am I to withhold forgiveness from you. But don't take me generosity lightly, just because I forgave you, doesn't mean I will allow you to continue hurting me. Jesus says to forgive 7 x 77 times, but he doesn't say I have to keep allowing you in my life if all you are going to do is hurt me.

11. Ethan is 4 1/2 months old, we are still breastfeeding strong (and we will be breastfeeding until he is 1 or he self weans...we haven't decided), we cloth diaper, we left him intact, and once in a while we even co-sleep. He's my first baby, and I don't know how to do everything right, so we are just doing things how we feel best. And this works for us, and we are happy.

12. I am one of the cheapest people you will meet. I am always looking for a good deal, always willing to accept something for free. Goodwill and Craigslist are very good friends of mine.

13.  I love to read, but I get lazy. I waste so much time on the computer and will go months without picking up a book.

14. I love inside jokes. I love knowing things that no one else knows. I love laughing at something that no one around gets, and even if I tried to explain it, it would not do justice.

15. I want to be the best I can be, for God, Charlie, and Ethan so I am always trying to improve for them, and not be stuck in a rut.

Without Wednesday

Charlie and I are constantly aiming to be better spouses and parents. The other night I was thinking about how I could be a better Mother, and I had an idea. I thought, "What if I took one day a week and turned all technology off and just spend the day with my family?" I asked Charlie what he thought of it, and he said "let's do it". So thats our plan.
From this week on, on Wednesday (we set a specific day, because I never work Wednesday's and its much better than rotating days. If we rotate days, there is a chance to forget).
On this day, which we are calling "Without Wednesday" (Charlie's creative juices there) we will have

~ NO Facebook, pinterest, blog, etc, in fact no computer at all

~ No TV shows, or movies

~ I also want to add something new....no cleaning unless Ethan is napping.

The point of this day, and I think its important to remember, is to be more focused on my family. Spend time together, and engaged. Go for a walk, play outside, play with eachother, read, it doesn't matter, just make sure we are engaging.
This week at church, Pastor Dave talked about how we, as mothers, will never be as good as we want to be. I know that, but I do not see why I can not strive to make one more step in the right direction. There is nothing online, on TV that is more important than spending time with my son, but yet I see that I am focusing on the computer and just letting Ethan chill by himself.

I am very excited for this. I will tell you how it goes. There is nothing more important to me than my family, and especially not Facebook or TV shows. When Ethan grows up, I will look back and miss this time in his life. I will not however, miss what happened on Facebook.

Priorities. So many of us have them out of line. I know what is important, and we are going to start setting them in place.

Is there anything you do to make sure you have time set aside to specifically spend time with your family?

I miss you Mom!

After my last post about my mom, I decided that I would take the words my sister, aunt and I (I would include my brother but he didn't write anything down, he just spoke from his heart) wrote for my mom's funeral and post them as a blog too. But life happened and I just kept pushing it off. And now with it being Mother's Day and all, I figured its the best time to do it.

From Kari

The last time I spoke to my mom was on Tuesday January 10, two days before her death. I had a very silly notion that Ethan was going to be born on that date.

She called me in the evening and said "I know the day isn't over yet, but any signs of labor yet?" I reluctantly had to tell her no, he was staying put a little longer. She would start to joke that he was going to wait until Valentine’s Day.

 Well he didn’t, but he did stay put a while longer. He was two weeks late, born January 22.  That’s how mom was; she tried very hard to support us in everything, especially the small silly things.  

Mom was trying desperately to make a trip to Texas after Ethan was born. She was so worried that I was going through such a life changing experience with no family around.

 I tried to convince her that I was fine, with friends and Charles, but there was none of that. She was certain that I needed family and soon she had me convinced.

 I was very much looking forward to that trip; however, she would never have a chance to make it. I was hoping to bond with her, show her the great husband I had found and just have some quality time together.

We had not spent more than a couple hours together in years. It was definitely time to have some good family bonding time together.

It breaks my heart that at a young age of 26, I have now lost both parents. I thank God that even with those circumstances, He introduced into my life, years ago, someone that I have considered my dad for over a decade. But I am deeply hurt of all the things will be missed by her passing.  

Charles will never have met either of his in-laws and Ethan will never know his grandparents.

I think one of the things that saddens me the most is when I have the inevitable "first time mom" questions..... "When was my first step?" "what was my first word?" "when did I become potty trained?" and so many more questions that a daughter would normally turn to her mom about.  

I have no-one to turn to.

My mom and I grew our relationship so much during my pregnancy. She called me all the time to see how I was doing, especially the last month. She would tell me all the time how things were when she was pregnant with one of us.

She was so proud of Stephanie and Aaron and the job they were doing as parents, I was anxious to show her that she could be proud of me as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew my mom was proud of me, but I wanted to show her I could raise my boy right. That the goal I have to be a mother, was obtainable for me, I would do great and she would know as I know, that I was made to be a mother.

As I think about who my mom was, it has been hard on me to look at the situation with the rose colored glasses of grief. I have been looking at the situation as what it was, and not sugar coating it.

But yesterday Aaron said to me and Stephanie that he tried to look at who mom was as a mother and not her individual decisions. That got me thinking of “who mom was”.

Well the biggest thing I think she taught me was Integrity. Mom always said that the definition of integrity was “doing the right thing no matter who was watching”. That didn’t matter if you were getting paid for a job; doing chores, or just helping others out.

Integrity was in everything you did, and it showed who you are. My mom was a hard worker that was for sure. I know that there were times in our childhood where she worked 2 or 3 jobs just to keep a house over our head and food on the table.

It is common knowledge that my mom and I had a couple years where we did not have a relationship because of the characteristics my mother and I share; her stubbornness was definitely in there.

I did not agree with many of her life choices and it took me a long time to realize that those didn’t matter. What matters is she was my mother and we needed a relationship.

For a while I forced it, and "checked the box" and I made sure I called her at least once a week. Sometimes the only thing I could think of to talk about was books, but at least it was a start.  Over time I looked forward to these chats. Sometimes Stephanie and I would laugh at something silly she would say, and other times she was just a comfort, the way a mother should be.

The daughter moment I will forever find comfort in happened a day or two after she died I found myself thinking "I need to call mom and ask her that".

The relationship was finally there, and I will miss what could have been, but I know we were both headed in the right direction.
I love you mom.

From Stephanie

When I think about my mom I think of either music or gardens.  As children we always had to work in the garden weather we were being punished or earning the right to go and do something or just doing it to spend time with mom.  I always remember how happy mom was in the garden.  I think it is one of the only things she truly loved to do. And anyone who ever went to any house my mom lived in they know she squeezed as much garden in the little space she had, so therefore there was always more work then she could handle, and if you knew my mom she always said the reason she had kids was to help her with all the work around the house.  So if us kids got in trouble at all it was, do you want to spread dirt, weed the garden or plant more plants.  Consequently, we got the same options if we wanted to go over to a friend’s house or do any social activity.  I remember at Chuck’s house we had a HUGE garden, we had to number the garden beds to know which one we are being directed to. In the garden we had a swing with a sign that had the lyrics to mom’s favorite Kid Rock song on it.  Even though every house we lived in had a garden, every garden we had, had a butterfly garden, one that we would arrange rocks in the shape of a butterfly and then put plants that would attract butterflies in it.  It was my favorite part of the garden that is just because I am such a picky eater that I didn’t like any of the veggies we grew, which was my mom’s favorite part of the garden HER VEGGIES!!

Mom also loved music, one of the most annoying things she would always do was when a song would come on the radio she would always say, ROCK TRIVIA, in which she would want us to name the artist singing the song.  And don’t let the name fool you it wasn’t just rock music she would do this with, anything she thought we didn’t know the artist of.  She definitely insisted we have a love of music, which most of my memories of my mom I can link to one song or another.  Just like mom’s love of running out of gas.  Weather the car had a gas tank with a hole in it, or on pay day running out of gas on the way to the gas station.  I could not count the amount of times that we ran out of gas and had to walk to the gas station.  There is a song we would sing every time we would walk, Timmy and his cousin Kelly wrote it, it said “I could walk for miles, I could walk for days, I could walk for miles in the rain” and it is true we walked rain or shine because mom never had a cell phone till us kids had all moved out. And due to walking so much with my mom I now refuse to let my car get below a quarter of tank.  I never want to walk if I have a choice.  Which makes me laugh because Kari Rose HATES putting gas in her truck she would always say “my truck says I have 10 miles before empty do you think I can get to work and back before I get gas”   I remember the summer we built the house with Chuck, there were a couple CD’s we were addicted to, Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw, SheDaisy, and Jo Dee Massina.   That summer was one that I don’t think any of us kids will forget.  We lived in a tent that summer not because we didn’t have a house to live in but because we were always working on the house. 

Mom also loved anything outdoors.  We would go camping for every holiday it was warm enough to go camping and some that it wasn’t quite warm enough. I remember camping for Father’s Day every year because that is what dad would have wanted to do.   I feel we were always camping.  I remember when we lived in a house on the lake mom and I would have fishing tournaments, which probably weren’t very accurate because we would let the fish go as we caught them so who knows how many times we caught the same fish.  But I remember spending HOURS fishing with mom, a drink in one hand and our poles in the other.  There was many hours spent out on the docks fishing, drinking, just wasting time.  Even though my mom had a lot of struggles throughout her life she was still my mom and I will always love her. 

From Aunt Tammy (my mom's sister) 

It’s strange how I can remember my childhood
Yet can’t remember playing together
I can remember young adulthood
But we never hung together

I remember stories of how we stood
Side by side, for one another
We never let our sisterhood
Be trespassed on by another

... As we went into mature adulthood
The sisterly bond became stronger
Unbreakable is our sisterhood
Even though you’re here no longer

I love and miss you so very much
I wish for one last touch
It hurts so very much
To know there will never be another touch

No matter what, I will always love and miss you mommy. I ache for you today. Happy Mother's Day. My first one as a mother, and without my mother.

The joys of breastfeeding

As many of my friends know, I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. I didnt realize how much I would love it until now. My little Ethan is 3 1/2 months old and we still breastfeed on demand. I breastfeed him if he's tired, hungry, achy from teething, whenever he needs it, which is on average ever 2 1/2 - 4 hours (less often at night).

Before he was born, my reasoning for wanting to breastfeed were all health related. You know the normal reasons (it helps with there immune system, lower chance of obseity, allergies, etc) and some personal more selfish reasons (to help me lose weight, lol). And these reasons are still a giant reason I breastfeed, but more reasons are one's I didn't think about before I had Ethan.

Such as, its one less thing I do not have to remember when leaving the house. As a mother, you know the laundry list of things that you need when you are getting ready to leave the house (extra diapers, extra clothes, toys, medicine, etc) and I am grateful that remembering to pack a bottle is not on the list. I do have the thought "when was the last time he ate" and "should I feed him before we leave". However I do not have to plan and think about how long we will be out, and how many bottles he will need, and make sure I have everything. I just whip them out, and he is ready to go.

Another, and very big reason I love breastfeeding, is middle of the night feedings. When Ethan wakes up in the middle of the night, I don't really have to. I zombie walk to his bedroom, pick him up, lay on the couch, and close my eyes while he goes to town. Twenty minutes later (or longer if I actually fall asleep) I open my eyes, he's done eating and back to bed we go. It's not like formula, when you have to wake up, prepare the bottle, make sure its not to hot/cold and then hold it in the infants mouth the correct angle/way so he/she can eat. (Now, I will say that the one downside to breastfeeding is mama does all the middle of the night feedings, daddy is off the hook. But I do not mind, like I said, I don't really wake up).

Another pro to breastfeeding that I would have never thought of before is worrying how much they eat. I know many formula fed mama's and they stress about how many ounces of formula their baby ate last. And I have no idea how many ounces Ethan eats. I know that he eats 15ish minutes, and every 2-3 hours.

Lastly, he can eat whenever. Ethan can use nurse to sooth or eat. There is no worry about overeating. My body and Ethan knows what he needs and when Ethan nurses to sooth, he's not really sucking out milk. He more just suckles for comfort and nothing really comes out.

 I know that most mama's start out with the desire to breastfeed; some cannot, some quit. I read a statistic in a parenting magazine saying only 30% of mom's breastfeed past 3 months. Whatever the reason for stopping, I do not condemn. I just thought I would share why I love it so. I could not imagine our life another way. Breastfeeding is easy to me, its a joy of mine, and it is creating a bond unbreakable.