6 Months down -- a relook at resolutions

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.
Check. I have the most amazing 6 month old little guy and I am trying my best. Sometimes I "take over" and I am really trying to get better. But I am doing the best I currently can.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.
Check? I think I am doing this. Ask Charlie for clarification. I try daily. I fail. I never claim to be perfect, but I am trying.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.
Mostly fail on this one. Where I have lost 40 of the 80 lbs I put on during pregnancy I have not changed my eating habits very much. We eat out way more than "never". Physical fitness is daily on my to do list yet rarely completed.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.
Ask Charlie. I strive to continually get better and I do regularly check in with him to make sure there is no way I am failing. He is constantly telling me that he is happy, so who knows, maybe he is. :)

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.
This one seems to be falling to the wayside. It is still a desire of ours, but it doesn't seem to be something that will be done this year...We will see what/where God wants to be. And we are happy to follow Him and wait as long as need be to be back in Michigan.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.
Well what can I say to this. Our debt is not getting any worse. We did pay off two of our "Same as cash" things on one of our cards before interest was accured. And we have a plan to get things under control. But with my current work situation we are bringing in way less than we would like, but both believe time with Ethan is much more important than more money.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.
Yea....major fail. I have read a total of 4 books this year. Not good, and no excuse why.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.
Win, we have read it everyday....except one last week. Somehow our routine got messed up and we just lost it. However I believe that one day we miss in nearly a year is still a win.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.
Fail. Dishes don't get done as often as needed. Books are not being read. Working out not being done. Ethan getting pushed aside. Facebook and blogging however, are being done. :(

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.
Well....Charlie is doing great about this, so I recently looked at my life and asked why I wasn't doing as good. I realized it is because I don't have people in my life that are no Christians. However, the people that I do meet that I do not know if they are Christians, I make sure they know that I am as well....Sure thats like one in 6 months, but hey.

Well there you have it. Some wins, some fails. Now I need to recommit to do better. Here goes.

Day 13 -- My wish for the future

My wish for the future has always been the same. When I die, I want everyone to think/say that.....

 I loved Jesus

that I was a great wife

the best mom possible

My desire is to do all of those things so well, that there is no doubt in anyones mind that those three things are the most important things to me. These are the things that matter....not the money in the bank account, not the job I have, not how clean my house is.

 I want to leave a legacy. I want for generations my children, and their children, and their children to say how great Grandma Kari was. I want for my grandchildren to know that Grandma Kari was always happy, always loving, always spoiling but still strict. That Grandma Kari loved Jesus more than anyone they knew, followed Him to the best of her ability. And not to mention that no ever doubt the love Grandma Kari always had for Grandpa Charlie.

With all the death I have experienced in my life there is lots of talk about "how" certain people lived their life.

I am told all the time that there was no doubt, my dad loved us kids more than anything.
My mom was only strict because she wanted us to grow to be responsible adults.
Grandma loved Jesus and just wanted to go home to him.

However, a long with those great things, I am overwhelmed by the negative that took over their lives (or death).

My dad is more well known for his suicide than for his love for his children.
My mom is currently more well known for the drugs that overtook her life than for the good she did for us.
My great grandmas death created a wedge in our family that is still there years after her death.

My prayer is that more positive things are remembered about me than negative. I don't want to be remembered for my past, the infedelities, lies, divorce. I want to be remembered for the future, my love, my commitment, my parenting.

What type of legacy do you want to leave behind? If you were to die today, what would you be remembered for? Think on that for a little bit today?

Day 4 -- My favorite movie

I guess I would classify the movie, "Liar Liar" as my favorite movie. It is definitely the movie I can go to anytime, and no matter how many times I have seen it, I will laugh.

My favorite movie that will make me cry no matter how many times I see it would be either "The Notebook" or "The Time Travelers' Wife". Both of these movies I had read the book to first, and the books are absolutely amazing, and there is no way that the movies had a chance to live up to the quality the books were, but they were still both very good movies.

Now what about you? What is your favorite movie?

Juggling life

Being a wife and a mother means juggling many different things at once. Tending to the baby, keeping the house cleaned, getting dinner done, and of course I strive to be the best I can be, so I am adding on there more things. So how do I do it? There is no magic potion. The way I think that made things a bit easier is adding a little at a time, and definitely accepting help.

I am a Christian, a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, and a cook. And I want to do all these things well. I have learned that if I allow Charlie to help, then I can be better.

Charlie and I read our bible everyday, but since Ethan's arrival it was harder to find time to do it. So instead of us finding time (besides right before bed when we are both exhausted) when Ethan is asleep to read, we have gotten in the habit of Charlie reading to me every night when we bathe Ethan.

Instead of me feeling that it is completely my responsibility to keep the house up, I have learned that if I share the burden with my wonderful husband than we are both less stressed. If we both do a little, it is not overwhelming for either of us and we feel like more of a team.

This next step, was/is probably the hardest for me. Sometimes Ethan gets so fussy that there is nothing I can do to stop him from crying (crazy I know...lol) and I get frustrated. I am still learning, that it is OK to call Charlie and have him take over for a while. I mean after all we are a team.

So my biggest tip to how to juggle life is don't feel like you have to do it all yourself. You got married to have a partner, and a partner shares responsibilities. Let your spouse help.

Second of all, don't try to do it all at once. Start with what you are comfortable with. If you can't handle reading the bible everyday, do it once a week. If after dinner you are to tired to do dishes, do them in the morning. If the baby won't stop crying and nothing helps, skip bath time tonight and head straight to bed. Do the minimum that needs to be done and add a little at a time.

When you are comfortable, try adding another thing you want to do to make "you" the person you want to be. For example, I want to be the best mom I can be, so I added "Without Wednesday" to our schedule to try to focus on Ethan (and Charlie) more. I want to do more "do it yourself" things, so I am SLOWLY adding things to try to do myself (first cooking spray, then laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, etc). I want to live more green, so we started with cloth diapers, and now we are hang drying our clothes.

I am by far an organized woman, but I love my family. This is what I have wanted my whole life, so I strive to be all I can be. It's fun to see how the little things add up and before you know it, you have implemented many things that you wanted to do. One at a time.

It all can be done, if you don't overwhelm yourself or your family. Remember, clean dishes don't mean more than a happy family. Make time for family and build that relationship. I am certain you won't think back and wish you did the dishes (this doesn't mean keep your house trashed, just focus on priorities).

Do you have any tips on how you juggle life? How do you make things run organized? I would love more tips.

I miss you Mom!

After my last post about my mom, I decided that I would take the words my sister, aunt and I (I would include my brother but he didn't write anything down, he just spoke from his heart) wrote for my mom's funeral and post them as a blog too. But life happened and I just kept pushing it off. And now with it being Mother's Day and all, I figured its the best time to do it.

From Kari

The last time I spoke to my mom was on Tuesday January 10, two days before her death. I had a very silly notion that Ethan was going to be born on that date.

She called me in the evening and said "I know the day isn't over yet, but any signs of labor yet?" I reluctantly had to tell her no, he was staying put a little longer. She would start to joke that he was going to wait until Valentine’s Day.

 Well he didn’t, but he did stay put a while longer. He was two weeks late, born January 22.  That’s how mom was; she tried very hard to support us in everything, especially the small silly things.  

Mom was trying desperately to make a trip to Texas after Ethan was born. She was so worried that I was going through such a life changing experience with no family around.

 I tried to convince her that I was fine, with friends and Charles, but there was none of that. She was certain that I needed family and soon she had me convinced.

 I was very much looking forward to that trip; however, she would never have a chance to make it. I was hoping to bond with her, show her the great husband I had found and just have some quality time together.

We had not spent more than a couple hours together in years. It was definitely time to have some good family bonding time together.

It breaks my heart that at a young age of 26, I have now lost both parents. I thank God that even with those circumstances, He introduced into my life, years ago, someone that I have considered my dad for over a decade. But I am deeply hurt of all the things will be missed by her passing.  

Charles will never have met either of his in-laws and Ethan will never know his grandparents.

I think one of the things that saddens me the most is when I have the inevitable "first time mom" questions..... "When was my first step?" "what was my first word?" "when did I become potty trained?" and so many more questions that a daughter would normally turn to her mom about.  

I have no-one to turn to.

My mom and I grew our relationship so much during my pregnancy. She called me all the time to see how I was doing, especially the last month. She would tell me all the time how things were when she was pregnant with one of us.

She was so proud of Stephanie and Aaron and the job they were doing as parents, I was anxious to show her that she could be proud of me as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew my mom was proud of me, but I wanted to show her I could raise my boy right. That the goal I have to be a mother, was obtainable for me, I would do great and she would know as I know, that I was made to be a mother.

As I think about who my mom was, it has been hard on me to look at the situation with the rose colored glasses of grief. I have been looking at the situation as what it was, and not sugar coating it.

But yesterday Aaron said to me and Stephanie that he tried to look at who mom was as a mother and not her individual decisions. That got me thinking of “who mom was”.

Well the biggest thing I think she taught me was Integrity. Mom always said that the definition of integrity was “doing the right thing no matter who was watching”. That didn’t matter if you were getting paid for a job; doing chores, or just helping others out.

Integrity was in everything you did, and it showed who you are. My mom was a hard worker that was for sure. I know that there were times in our childhood where she worked 2 or 3 jobs just to keep a house over our head and food on the table.

It is common knowledge that my mom and I had a couple years where we did not have a relationship because of the characteristics my mother and I share; her stubbornness was definitely in there.

I did not agree with many of her life choices and it took me a long time to realize that those didn’t matter. What matters is she was my mother and we needed a relationship.

For a while I forced it, and "checked the box" and I made sure I called her at least once a week. Sometimes the only thing I could think of to talk about was books, but at least it was a start.  Over time I looked forward to these chats. Sometimes Stephanie and I would laugh at something silly she would say, and other times she was just a comfort, the way a mother should be.

The daughter moment I will forever find comfort in happened a day or two after she died I found myself thinking "I need to call mom and ask her that".

The relationship was finally there, and I will miss what could have been, but I know we were both headed in the right direction.
I love you mom.

From Stephanie

When I think about my mom I think of either music or gardens.  As children we always had to work in the garden weather we were being punished or earning the right to go and do something or just doing it to spend time with mom.  I always remember how happy mom was in the garden.  I think it is one of the only things she truly loved to do. And anyone who ever went to any house my mom lived in they know she squeezed as much garden in the little space she had, so therefore there was always more work then she could handle, and if you knew my mom she always said the reason she had kids was to help her with all the work around the house.  So if us kids got in trouble at all it was, do you want to spread dirt, weed the garden or plant more plants.  Consequently, we got the same options if we wanted to go over to a friend’s house or do any social activity.  I remember at Chuck’s house we had a HUGE garden, we had to number the garden beds to know which one we are being directed to. In the garden we had a swing with a sign that had the lyrics to mom’s favorite Kid Rock song on it.  Even though every house we lived in had a garden, every garden we had, had a butterfly garden, one that we would arrange rocks in the shape of a butterfly and then put plants that would attract butterflies in it.  It was my favorite part of the garden that is just because I am such a picky eater that I didn’t like any of the veggies we grew, which was my mom’s favorite part of the garden HER VEGGIES!!

Mom also loved music, one of the most annoying things she would always do was when a song would come on the radio she would always say, ROCK TRIVIA, in which she would want us to name the artist singing the song.  And don’t let the name fool you it wasn’t just rock music she would do this with, anything she thought we didn’t know the artist of.  She definitely insisted we have a love of music, which most of my memories of my mom I can link to one song or another.  Just like mom’s love of running out of gas.  Weather the car had a gas tank with a hole in it, or on pay day running out of gas on the way to the gas station.  I could not count the amount of times that we ran out of gas and had to walk to the gas station.  There is a song we would sing every time we would walk, Timmy and his cousin Kelly wrote it, it said “I could walk for miles, I could walk for days, I could walk for miles in the rain” and it is true we walked rain or shine because mom never had a cell phone till us kids had all moved out. And due to walking so much with my mom I now refuse to let my car get below a quarter of tank.  I never want to walk if I have a choice.  Which makes me laugh because Kari Rose HATES putting gas in her truck she would always say “my truck says I have 10 miles before empty do you think I can get to work and back before I get gas”   I remember the summer we built the house with Chuck, there were a couple CD’s we were addicted to, Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw, SheDaisy, and Jo Dee Massina.   That summer was one that I don’t think any of us kids will forget.  We lived in a tent that summer not because we didn’t have a house to live in but because we were always working on the house. 

Mom also loved anything outdoors.  We would go camping for every holiday it was warm enough to go camping and some that it wasn’t quite warm enough. I remember camping for Father’s Day every year because that is what dad would have wanted to do.   I feel we were always camping.  I remember when we lived in a house on the lake mom and I would have fishing tournaments, which probably weren’t very accurate because we would let the fish go as we caught them so who knows how many times we caught the same fish.  But I remember spending HOURS fishing with mom, a drink in one hand and our poles in the other.  There was many hours spent out on the docks fishing, drinking, just wasting time.  Even though my mom had a lot of struggles throughout her life she was still my mom and I will always love her. 

From Aunt Tammy (my mom's sister) 

It’s strange how I can remember my childhood
Yet can’t remember playing together
I can remember young adulthood
But we never hung together

I remember stories of how we stood
Side by side, for one another
We never let our sisterhood
Be trespassed on by another

... As we went into mature adulthood
The sisterly bond became stronger
Unbreakable is our sisterhood
Even though you’re here no longer

I love and miss you so very much
I wish for one last touch
It hurts so very much
To know there will never be another touch

No matter what, I will always love and miss you mommy. I ache for you today. Happy Mother's Day. My first one as a mother, and without my mother.

Unanswered Prayers

Dear Charlie,
Oh my love, how could I be so blessed as to have you love me so deeply? How did God see me as worthy, even as I was living in sin, to grant me the love I have begged for years to have?

My life has been so chaotic, and has so many low points. It would be very easy to fall into a "woe is me" outlook of life. I could easily curse God for all the pain that I went through. But I see it all as a way to help me grow and make me who I am. There are so many scars in my past that I wish were not there. However I can see each step brought me right into your arms.

A friend recently stated to me, "Ugh, Why couldn't you and Charles find each other sooner?" and it was so easy for me to answer, "Because we would have been a mess for each other". God knew better than us. God knew what we needed to go through in our individual lives before we could come together and love each other so fully and completely.

From the first moment you looked at me and said "I love you" I have never doubted it. During our lowest low, I still knew. The biggest doubt I had ever had was, "will this intense deep love last?" "will I ever be good enough to deserve this, and keep you around?" Well my love, I still doubt myself, but you have spent everyday out our last year together building me up and making me feel more love than I ever knew was possible. I believe in you. I believe in your love. I believe that those eyes look at me with as much love as your words profess. I believe it, and I love it!

For years I prayed to God for a family, I begged God for a Christian husband, I cried to Him regularly to fill my womb with a child. And finally those prayers have been answered, but no where near how I thought they would be. Thank God, He knows better than I do. Thank God that He knew that there was a man waiting for me, and was going to fulfill ALL of those prayers.

I am in complete awe with how God has orchestrated my life. And I thank Him daily for allowing me to have a husband who strives daily to show Christ's love to me, to lead this family the way God calls you too, and to be a better man.

I am so proud of you and the man of God you are becoming. You're growth and change that I have seen in the last year is admirable. You are growing in the the man God wants you to be. I cannot wait to see who you become and stand next to you as you grow.  I love you Charlie.


Your devoted loving wife,
Kari Rose

Garth Brooks

"Unanswered Prayers"

New Year, New Start

I love New Years. I realize its just another day, but its something about that day that makes people (especially me) reflect on life and want to make positive changes in the future. It allows us to look at the last year and critic the good and the bad. What to do again, and what to never look at again. That being said, 2011 was a whirlwind of a year. It began with the worst year of my life (being abandoned, and getting a divorce) and ended the best I could ever even imagine (finding the love of my life, and beginning a family with him). Therefore it is hard to really look back at this year. But all the bad that happened just makes me even more hopeful about the upcoming year. My life is not that same as it was a year ago, and I cannot think of a single thing that could make it turn into that life again. All that being said, I am going to lay out some resolutions here for this year. I choose to write them in a blog, because I feel that it will hold me more accountable.

2012 New Year's Resolutions

(in no particular order)

1. Become a mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go to the one that has the answer: God.

2. Be strong and submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold.

3. Lose this baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just small additions of walking more.

4. Thrive to be a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become "comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I want to continue as great as we have been so far.

5. Go home. By the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin.

6. Make a sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we are going into 2012.

7. Read more. Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me better.

8. Continue reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011 we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.

9. Do not eat the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so much easier.

10. Lastly, be more open with Christ to others. I want to  bring others to God, and I want to be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly, OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.

Now friends and loved ones, I ask that you help hold me accountable to these 10 goals. I would like to look back each month at this list and evaluate how I am doing. I dont want to just let these go. Also, if you made resolutions and would also like an accountability partner, I'd love to team up on this. Let me know!

My Many Roses

My life consists of many facets of who I am. The three big ones are my love for God, my love for my husband and my love for my son. And the goal of trying to live each of these facets to the best of my ability.  I thrive to be the best Christian, wife and mother that I can possibly be. Each of these "roses" in my life are complete joys for me.

My goal for this blog is to journal my way through being stronger and better and each one. There is a quote from my favorite TV show, Gilmore Girls, where a character says "I don't know if its the right way, but its the only way i know" and while traveling through the roads of life, and learning and messing up as I go, this quote is remembered by me often. Only the good part of being me is, I have God to look to for guidance, and of course, my husband. They are both here to guide me as I stumble through life, trying to be as graceful as possible.

I am going to give you a little bit of history about me before we get started. I have been a Christian since I was 8 years old, but only really know Christ as my Savior in the last 3+ years. Throughout my life I have had major highs and even major lows with my walk with Christ, and especially my appearance of how a Christian should be. I have caused many people to stumble because of the person I was being, but praise God, many other people have been brought to Christ through me.

I have been a wife since July 2011 to a man that I love so deeply, Charles. We put God first in our relationship and treat each other with respect always. Our relationship moved fairly (oh what am I talking about, extremely) fast, but even in our failures and disobedience, God was right there guiding our steps without either of us acknowlodging him. I praise God that even when I was stumbling, failing and backsliding, he knew it was only for a short season and did not allow me to make any mistakes that could negatively impact the rest of my life.

I have been a mother FOREVER in my heart. I was made to be a mother, and now, being 9 1/2 months pregnant (I'm due January 8, 2012), God is finally fulfilling that destiny of mine. I am pregnant with a little boy that we are naming Ethan. And as I begin this journey of parenthood I am realizing how passionate I am about certain things (natural birth, breastfeeding, discipline, loving him) and how scared I am about other things (how good of a mother will I be, will I stumble again but this time affect my child's future?, is xxxx the right choice) and honestly how ignorant I am in it all. I am learning as I go, just like the rest of you parents out there.

I don't know how often I will write a blog, or what this blog will end up looking like, but my hope for this blog is to explore each "rose" of my life, and watch it bloom into the "garden" God wants me to be, and if in the process this helps you (my readers) then all the better. If there are things I write about that you disagree with, feel free to tell me, respectfully. I look forward to seeing how this unfolds.

And welcome readers to my MANY ROSES